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31.05.2016 Health

Opposites Attract. But Will It Last?

By Ghanaian Chronicle
Opposites Attract. But Will It Last?
31.05.2016 LISTEN

There is something exciting about being with someone who is your opposite. You may find that person to be everything you are not, and maybe a bit of what you wish you were. The tension created by your differences can create a magnetism that feels irresistible.

But can a relationship between opposites last?
It really depends on how you're different – and how you're alike. If you're a center-of-attention kind of person, you might be attracted to someone who is a good listener (who in turn feels pulled toward your entertaining nature). In situations like this, the dynamics balance people's personalities. As long as your personality styles complement each other, your differences may actually bring you closer and help you both to be the best version of yourselves. But while there are some areas where differences can be healthy, for a lasting relationship, the substance of who you are needs to be more alike than different.

Two areas, in particular, where you need to be similar:

Values: People set the course of their lives based largely on their basic values, such as the importance they place on religion, material wealth, raising children, stability and personal integrity. When these values align, partners feel connected as they strive toward shared dreams.

Communication: When partners' communication styles match, they are more effective in working through conflicts. So, whether you tend to avoid conflict or passionately argue your point of view, you'll find it easiest to partner with someone who has a similar style.  There are also those who express themselves while simultaneously encouraging their partners to do the same, allowing them greater flexibility in navigate conflicts in a relatively calm manner.

What about interests? Although sharing similar activities can be an easy way to bond, it's not a must. In healthy relationships there is plenty of room for partners to have different interests. And it can be a good thing – partners who pursue different interests often enrich each other's lives by sharing varied experiences. The key is that the partners must respect and be open to supporting each other's interests.

One word of caution: Having complementary differences can be an asset to a relationship, but sometimes couples slip into rigid roles. This prevents personal growth and expression.

For example, when one person is responsible for all things related to bills and budgeting, both people might initially be happy with the arrangement. But over time, the one responsible may feel resentful of the burden, while the other person feels controlled by limitations imposed on them, causing them each to feel increasingly alone and misunderstood. So, while differences can provide balance in a relationship, some flexibility in your roles is important, too. It's important that each of you feels comfortable in expressing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns related to all aspects of your relationships.

Ultimately, you want to find someone who can bring out the best in you. To do this, you must get to know yourself.  Consider your values. Pay attention to how you address conflicts. And then when you feel the excitement of being with someone oh-so-different from yourself, think about whether you have enough in common – and are both respectful your differences – to make it last.

Source: Webmd

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