The Damaging Effects of Pornography on our Life’s, Relationships and Family

Pornography is a very sensitive topic many and quite a controversial at that. A lot of people hold varied opinions about both positive and negative. It has mostly been assumed that if pornography had any negative effects, it would mainly be restricted to the ‘user’. There has been a recent link however to effects beyond the personal to include relationships and family. Ann J. Bridges in her paper Pornography’s Effects on interpersonal Relationships makes quite an interesting observation,

An as intern at an adult psychiatric hospital, my first client was a woman who had a partner she described as “addicted” to pornography. For some time, she had been struggling to change his behavior—through cajoling, pleading, threats and ultimatums, tears, and tantrums. Although at times effective for a little while, she continually found a re-stocked stash of pornographic materials, despite his promises to stop. Her distress and his inability to hear her distress reached such high levels that she had attempted suicide: thus her admission into the hospital and our meeting.

I had studied depression, anxiety, trauma, and psychosis, but I was wholly unprepared for this. Was this a cognitive distortion? Did she just need to “lighten up,” to stop interpreting his behavior in unhealthy and unhelpful ways and just accept it? Did she have a right to demand that his sexuality be limited to what she found acceptable? Was there such a thing as pornography addiction? Was there something else going on she was unable to talk about directly? Could she actually be that upset over something so normal? Didn’t all men look at pictures of naked women and masturbate?

Several theories/models have been put forward to help explain the effects of pornography on our Life’s, Relationships and Family. These theories include the ‘Imitation Model’ – people try to imitate what they see, the ‘Social Learning Model’- people learn through observation of the things that they are likely to get a reward from, and the ‘Sexual Scripts Model’- memory structures that tell humans how to behave after being constructed. (Bridges, A. J).

Although the widely accepted view is that pornography has negative effects on one’s life and relationships, there is a minority who hold the view that there are some positives associated with pornography. Weir, K. (2014) argues that, “researchers at Brigham Young University and the University of Missouri surveyed heterosexual couples who were married or living together and found that men's use of porn was associated with lower sexual quality for both men and their partners. Female use of porn, however, was associated with improved sexual quality for women”. Again, he claims that, “Bridges and Patricia Morokoff, PhD, reported similar findings: When men used porn, they tended to report lower levels of sexual intimacy in their real-life relationships. When women used porn, however, intimacy increased”.

Weir however quickly points out that, “Although some couples seem to benefit from pornography, that's not the case for everyone. When one partner uses porn at a high frequency — typically the men in the heterosexual couples Bridges has studied — there can be a tendency to withdraw emotionally from the relationship”.

We also aver our minds to the fact that not everyone sees something negative in watching pornography. Like Skinner, B. K. (2014) puts it, “Many people, in fact, argue that porn is just a part of our society and that we should not make such a big deal about it. To this group, porn is just another form of entertainment”. But Skinner is the first to question those beliefs by stating that, “More than 4,000 people who had sought help because pornography had a negative impact on their personal lives or relationships”

Correy, A. makes this observation about the subject matter, “… the effects of repeated exposure to standard, non-violent, commonly available pornography includes: increased callousness toward women; distorted perceptions about sexuality; devaluation of the importance of monogamy; decreased satisfaction with partner’s sexual performance, affection, and appearance; doubts about the value of marriage; and decreased desire to have children”. Fagan, C. also joins by agreeing and argues that, “Pornography is a major threat to marriages, the family, and the society at large. It is not a private choice without public consequence. Pornography alters both sexual attitudes and behavior, undermining marriage, which in turn, undermines the stability of the entire community”. And Kleponis, P. (2010) in discussing The Effects of Pornography on Wives and Marriages claims that, “For many women, discovering that their husbands have been viewing pornography is similar to uncovering an extramarital affair. As a result, they experience a variety of emotions: anger, hurt, sadness, betrayal, and rejection. They believe their husbands would rather be with the women they view in pornography rather than their wives”.

Thus, the effects of pornography are varied and people’s perception on its use also varies. And in my opinion pornography has very damaging effects on relationships and family’s. Men tend to care less when they find their spouses using pornography but women are usually hurt by it. The literature and research in the literature has shown that the use of pornography can even lead to the breakup of families.

People who tend to use pornography for sexual pleasure in my opinion lose touch with the real people around them by assuming what people do in pornographic movies are the normal things that are supposed to be done. Bridges work for example highlighted the fact that by watching pornography, people sometimes tend to want to act them out with their partners forgetting that those in the pornographic movies are just acting and are being paid to do the things they do.

Weir, K. (2014), for example states that, “Destin Stewart, PhD, and Dawn Szymanski, PhD, at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, surveyed female college students and found that those who perceived their boyfriends' porn use to be problematic experienced lower self-esteem, poorer relationship quality and lower sexual satisfaction”. Thus even on the personal level, pornography makes a person look down on themselves and has real psychological effects on its users which affects their relationships and families as well.

To eliminate the damaging effects of pornography on one’s life and relationship will require taking steps to stop its usage and seeking professional or spiritual help, because as Slattery, J. (2009) observes, “One of the devastating effects of pornography and other sexually explicit material is that it sabotages the ability to enjoy normal sex. In many marriages, the husband isn't interested in sex with his wife because he has been programmed to respond to a much higher level of erotic stimulation”

The Author Albert Opare is a political science graduate from the University of Ghana and a social commentator as well as a social & political activist. You can contact the author by mail on [email protected] or txt on 0575125101. Comments and Criticisms are welcome

References
Correy, A. How Pornography Impacts Marriage and Family Life. Retrieved 25^th September, 2015. From http://simplemarriage.net/how-pornography-impacts-marriage-and-family-life/

Fagan, P. The Effects of Pornography on individuals, Marriage, family and Community. Retrieved, 25^th September, 2015. From http://www.frc.org/onepagers/the-effects-of-pornography-on-individuals-marriage-family-and-community

Keplonis, P. (2010). The Effects of Pornography on Wives and Marriages. Retrieved, 25^th September, 2015. From http://www.covenanteyes.com/2010/07/06/the-effects-of-pornography-on-wives-and-marriages/

Skinner, B. K. (2014). Is Pornography (Sexual) Addiction Real? Retrieved 25^th September, 2015. From https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inside-porn-addiction/201411/is-pornography-sexual-addiction-real

Slattery, J. (2009). The Impact of Pornography on Marital Sex. Retrieved 25^th September, 2015. From http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex-and-intimacy/when-your-husband-isnt-interested-in-sex/the-impact-of-pornography-on-marital-sex

Weir, K. (2014). Is Pornography Addictive? American Psychological Association. 45(4), 45. Retrieved 25^th September, 2015. From http://www.apa.org/monitor/2014/04/pornography.aspx