Self-Serving Passmark

Hey, Femi. How are you doing my brother?
It could be better, but…
But what, now. Why are you contrarians never satisfied?

Ha! You asked me a question and you cut me off as I was about to give you my answer. Why did you ask me a question if you were not interested in my answer? What should I be satisfied with?

I knew what you were going to say.
Why then did you ask me if you knew already what I was going to say?

I thought the Tiger has changed its spot.
You meant Leopard, there are no Tigers in Africa
Whatever. But what were you going to say? Why are you never satisfied?

Ha! Now, you are interested!
Pray, tell.
I was going to tell you that the cost of living is killing me.

You!
Me, what?
It looks like nothing in this world will ever please people like you. Didn't you watch the news at all? Did you not see the sterling performance of that young minister, what is name again?

Why did you ask me, you are the one that watch television?

You don't mean to tell me that you don't watch television.

Precisely. I have told you several times that I don't have a television. But it looks like you do not listen to whatever I say. And what would be the point, anyway?

Point of what?
Point of owning a television, when there is no light to watch it.

You! You can complain, o! Didn't you hear the authorities say that they will ensure that we enjoy the Yuletide with full electricity?

That exactly is the problem with our blessed republic.

You! What exactly is wrong with you! Do you ever find something, anything, to cheer in life?

Hmmmm. Maybe I need to have my head examined, but why do we find it cheerful when our officials think that it is best to have electricity to have fun, rather to provide us with electricity to work, be productive and have the means to put garri on our tables?

They are doing their best. And there is nothing wrong with our having electricity to celebrate Christmas. You didn't answer my question.

Which one?

I asked if you watched the young Minister defend the government's performance on television last week?

Why should I care?

That exactly is the problem with armchair critics like you. You are interested only in the cacophonous noises you make. And when officials find time to reply you and counter your lies with evidence-led facts and figures, you don't find the time to watch or to listen.

Those are rather serious charges.
Irrefutable, won't you say?
I honestly don't know of what you talk about. If however you meant government officials going about with their so-called 'Meet the People' jamboree, I'm afraid you missed the point.

And what would that point be, my friend? The point here is that the Minister gave facts and figures on the solid performance and achievements of this administration. You have nothing to say about that, do you, now?

Hmmmmmm.
Hmmmm, what, now?
Isn't the whole exercise so senseless and so pointless?

What do you mean, pointless. Do you mean that the government should not tell its side of the story?

I don't know of what story you referred, but the whole idea of Ministers wasting scarce state's resources to call press conferences, and tell citizens about their so-called achievements is so preposterous, so insulting that I'm sad that you, of all people, find it something to cheer about.

Please, tell me what exactly you find so odious about Ministers blowing their own trumpets, so to speak. Didn't Ancestor Chinua Achebe told us that a lizard that fell from the Iroko tree should praise itself, if no one else did?

I read Achebe, may the ancestors continue to bless his soul. But don't let us drag the ancestors into this matter. The idea of ministers blowing trumpets is stupid simply because it presumed that we citizens are not only blind and deaf, but that we are dump and very stupid to boot. It assumed that we will never recognize achievement when we see one.

What do you mean?
I meant that we live in this country, we move around, we interact with fellow-citizens. Almost all of us have relations in our towns and villages with whom we interact on daily basis. We belong to professional, social, political and religious bodies and organisations. Many of us spend quality time at our Pito and Akpeteshi bars, where we trade gossips with fellow imbibers. What all these mean is that we all have our tentacles spread all across the length and breadth of our blessed republic. We know what is going on. Our ultra-efficient African Telecommunication System, aka gossip, guaranteed that we are abreast of every development in the remotest part of our land. So, it is sheer waste of money and resources for our officials to drive around in their big jeeps and go to some expensive conference halls, to tell us what our senses failed to register.

So, you don't think it is not necessary…
Sorry, mate, not only is it not necessary, it is a total and criminal waste of resources. We are not blind. We can hear and we can feel. If a government is doing well, there will be no need for any Minister to come and deafen our ears with noises. And if a government is not performing, no amount of self-serving noises will change facts. You simply cannot create non-existing facts.

Contrary to what you say, it is simply not true that those of us that criticize governments do so out of malice. No, we do it because we care and we want to them to succeed. The easiest and safest thing for us to do would be to join the crowd, play the Ostrich and bury our heads in the sand. But then the rot in our land continue and grow. I give you two example. I castigated President Kuffuor when his government took the country to HIPC. I found it so demeaning and said so in very strong language. But I sang his praises when I came back from a holiday and found my favourite city, Kasoa, lit up with street lights. I published a piece in the Mirror to praise him. That is how it should be. Things are simply not well with the country, and it is time that we admit it, and stop engaging in useless massaging of facts, to make black white. It is true that there are roads and infrastructures going on in different parts of the country, the potent question we ought to ask is: how does this translate into solid development of the country.

If we took Chinese loan and give it to the Brazilians to build an interchange for us, in what way does that help Mother Ghana? Do we have plans to start building our own roads and dams in five, ten, twenty, or even hundred years? We talk of development only when Ghanaians can begin to do things for themselves. Those are the type of things our officials should be thinking about. How many Ghanaian children are learning how to build applications for computers, smartphones and other platforms? We ought to feel scandalize when our official can come out to tell us that they have reduced the number of our children who study under tree. That is not an achievement to be proud of after almost sixty year of independence. All that we ask is that our over-compensated officials try and sit in their offices, and set up good policies to ensure that in five years, we will no longer be groping in the dark, trying to find a way we have not been able to find in almost sixty years. Do you know what I think will help if government is serious about quality assessment?

Tell me, my contrarian friend.
The government should call constituency and regional chairmen of its party to a conference, and allow everyone to have frank discussion with government officials. Those people live among the people, and they are attuned to what exactly is going on in the country. They will provide more objective views than those of self-serving Ministers who live in Accra. State officials get almost everything for free, at the expense of the public, they are so far removed from everyday reality that to ask them to judge themselves is like asking someone to condemn himself. Few of us are capable of such act.

PS: It is sad that despite the best efforts of some of us, the misrulers of our continent refused to see reason. It angers and saddens greatly to see and hear African leaders mouthing the same vapid, utterly useless, self-serving bromides they have mouthed for over fifty years. It baffles/boggles the mind that they pretend not to know why we citizens are angry and cynical.

Some of us do travel around and we see how far the rest of humanity have left us behind. We have access to foreign stations, so we hear and watch the giant strides the rest of mankind are making in almost sphere of life – building the future that will make their lives enjoyable, and more enchanting.

What do we have in Africa? ZILCH. NOTHING. Those that govern us do not even have plans that will wean us from over-dependence on other people's largesse. None of them feel any shame to see their citizens fighting over second-hand clothes from Euro-America. None of them seemed concerned that our lives continue to be ruled by stupid superstitions and ignorance. None of them seem interested in mathematics, science and technology.

Giving borrowed Chinese money to Brazilians to build Interchanges for us is not development. Development is when we start to build the capacities to be able to do things for ourselves in five, ten, twenty, even one-hundred years.

Yet, those that rule us want us to be optimistic. Sorry, Sirs/Ma, we have been there before. We have heard enough stupid homilies from your lips.

We say to you, if you did not ask for divine interventions before you acquire those expensive presidential jeeps and jets, build or renovate those gleaming presidential palaces, you have no business telling us to bend knees in supplication to desert gods, before you provide us with basics like water and electricity.

Tomorrow, they say, belongs to those that plan for it today. See my piece: Criticism and the wrath of president

Plug for Femi Akomolafe
Femi Akomolafe is a Freelance writer, Film & Video Documentary Producer, IT Consultant and Web-Designer.

His highly-acclaimed books (Africa: Destroyed by the gods,” and “Africa: It shall be well,” are now available for sales at the following bookshops/offices:

1. Freedom Bookshop, near Apollo Theatre, Accra.
2. The Daily Dispatch Office, Labone - Accra
3. WEB Dubois Pan-African Centre, Accra
4. Ghana Writers Association office, PAWA House, Roman Ridge, Accra.

They are also available on the internet. Here are useful links:

1. Africa: it shall be well: http://alaye.biz/africa-it-shall-be-well-introduction-in-pdf/

Africa: it shall be well is available for sale on Kindle books at this link: https://www.createspace.com/4820404

A FREE Chapter of 'Africa: It shall be well' could be downloaded here: http://alaye.biz/africa-it-shall-be-well-a-free-chapter/

2. Africa: Destroyed by the gods (How religiosity destroyed Africa) http://alaye.biz/africa-destroyed-by-the-gods-introduction/

Africa: Destroyed by the gods is available for sale on Kindle books at this link:

https://www.createspace.com/4811974
A FREE Chapter of 'Africa: Destroyed by the gods' could be downloaded here: http://alaye.biz/africa-destroyed-by-the-gods-free-chapter/

Read a review here
Femi maintains a blog @: www.alaye.biz/category/blog

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