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18.12.2014 Feature Article

Overcoming Our Fears And Making The Most Of Them

Overcoming Our Fears And Making The Most Of Them
18.12.2014 LISTEN

'Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage'. Maya Angelou

When a tea bag sits quietly in a cup but does not experience hot water, it does not bring out its true contents. It is the same with human character.

Situations or challenges tend to bring out the virtues in us, but we can be paralyzed by fear such that we fail to express our inner gifts and end up living with regrets. It is said that the cemetery is the richest place on earth because it hosts so many ideas, businesses or dreams that did not come alive as they died with those who carried them. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of others opinions etc; fear in the end is one factor that robs people of realizing their dreams. For life to be fulfilling, choose not to die as a sissy, cowering and hiding in your comfort zone; instead if we fail in life let us fail valiantly or honorably.

Courage is the capacity and willingness to face fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. Whilst physical courage is courage in the midst of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death; moral courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement. Courage together with prudence, temperance and justice are regarded as the cardinal virtues of man as they form the basis of a virtuous life.

The Roman philosopher and statesman Cicero (106-43 BC), explains that “Virtue may be defined as a habit of mind (animi) in harmony with reason and the order of nature. It has four parts: wisdom (prudentiam), justice, courage, temperance.” (De Inventione, II, LIII ). This is further emphasized in the Wisdom of Solomon (8:7) which echos "She [Wisdom] teaches temperance, and prudence, and justice, and fortitude, which are such things as men can have nothing more profitable in life."

Nevertheless courage can manifest itself in several ways:

• Feeling Fear Yet Choosing to Act:
"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."Nelson Mandela similar to taking a step of faith cause “Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.” Martin Luther King Jnr

• Following Your Heart :
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” -Helen Keller

• Persevering in the Face of Adversity:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt:

• Standing Up For What Is Right
“Cowardice asks the question: is it safe? Expediency asks the question: is it politic? Vanity asks the question: is it popular? But conscience asks the question: is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular- but one must take it simply because it is right.” Martin Luther King Jr

• Expanding Your Horizons; Letting Go of the Familiar

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool,
To weep is to risk being called sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self.

To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naive.

To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure
But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love. Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has forfeited his freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free. Leo Buscaglia

• Facing Suffering with Dignity or Faith
“The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. It's overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.” Leo Buscaglia

The heart is the essence of virtuous deeds and the heart cannot be strong if the mind is weak. To overcome cowardice you need to eliminate the root cause. If it is due to ignorance then cure this with learning to gain knowledge. If it is due to fear of the unknown that could be addressed by experiencing situations. For example, someone practicing public speaking for the first time, will experience fear in the beginning but after experience this fear is conquered.

Fear denies us of our integrity; when we fail to act in accordance with our beliefs and values because of fear then we compromise our core values. Hence in the end, in living a life true to your principles, you will need a healthy measure of overcoming your fears.

When we are conquered by fear, we are unable to make the choices and seize the opportunities that will help us accomplish our goals. We are then enslaved by our fears and when one looks back, one is filled with regrets as the wasted opportunities stare us in the face. In the process, we lose the chance to grow and improve ourselves as there is no no growth without risk.

When we change our perspective on risk it helps in seeing what we will be missing. The origin of fear is our fear of trying something and falling flat on our faces! What will people say? What if I am rejected? These are real and valid as indeed there is a probability of not succeeding with an endeavor. On the reverse not trying at all guarantees no failure. However, it comes with the long term risk of not amounting to anything; the risk of living a completely unworthy or mediocre life. Where you look back later along memory lane 5,15,25 years and you are tormented, haunted with regret.

So push through any pusillanimity and see confronting your fears as an adventure from your comfort zone into new territory; stop winking at that girl in the dark and ask her out; accept responsibility for your mistakes and genuinely apologize; launch that business; take part in that competition for you may be the lucky one! After all “It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.” — Mark Twain

References:
Dale Carnegie (2009):20 Tips on Overcoming Fear
http://blog.dalecarnegie.com/tipsforsuccess/20-tips-on-overcoming-fear/ accessed on 21.11.2014

The Art of Manliness (2009): 30 Days to a Better Man

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2009/06/28/30-days-to-a-better-man-day-29-conquer-a-fear/ accessed on 21.11.2014

UMMAh.com (2009): How To Overcome Fear http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?214078-How-To-Overcome-Fear accessed on 21.11.2014

Melanie Greenberg (2014):The Six Attributes of Courage

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mindful-self-express/201208/the-six-attributes-courage accessed on 21.11.2014

Wikipedia (2014): Courage
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courage accessed on 21.11.2014

Janet Rand (2014): Risks
http://www.jwjonline.net/poems/poem/risks/ accessed on 21.11.2014

Wikipedia (2014): Cardinal Virtues
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cardinal_virtues accessed on 21.11.2014

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