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15.11.2014 Feature Article

All Feminists to Note: Women Can’t Have it All—Says Top Lady Professor

All Feminists to Note: Women Cant Have it All—Says Top Lady Professor
15.11.2014 LISTEN

No matter the occasion or the nature of her audience, Anne-Marie Slaughter insists that every introduction of her must necessarily include the fact that she is a mother of two boys. She is also professor of politics and the first female dean of University of Princeton's Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, and former director of policy planning for the US State Department.

You would think Anne-Marie has it all. But with her enormous influence in the corridors of power, she concedes in an article published in The Atlantic that women, not even her kind of accomplished achievers, can have it all. There are natural and social factors that work against women.

Many were outraged at Prof Slaughter's concession. Some 1.2 million people read the op-ed article and comments poured forth on social media and other platforms, about the good old work-life debate. It became the most read news item on the Atlantic website, and still generates news. Prof Slaughter digs into the generational past of women, where they had fewer options. Her own grandmother was stopped from going to medical school because she was told she was going to get married. And this was America. In Africa, it was, and is still the case for many a girl child. So women have generally played second fiddle to their men, or looked up to them to chart the course.

The situation is very different now. The statistics have not favoured women compared to men, but women are really on top of their game. Nobody doubts the capacity of women in any area of endeavour. And most often, they do the job better than men. They combine family obligations with serious career business and sometimes manage to sail ahead of men in terms of sheer output. If the likes of Prof Slaughter are the extreme cases, there are equally hardworking and intelligent women doing great at the middle career levels. This is very much the age of the accomplished woman.

The reality, however, is that women cannot build great careers and maintain their wonderful families all at the same time without making some sacrifices. Men often needn't make those changes in their careers and family lives, and everything will be fine. While women would need to seriously consider when to get pregnant and get children, men have no problems with their biological clock. Prof Slaughter recommends that a woman should plan and get children before 35, best if earlier. The biological clock of women ticks away with age; it is necessary for a woman to make a few adjustments in her career to have those children. The men may have shot ahead when they would be done breastfeeding the tots. But that is the thing: They can't have it all.

The wife of one of my friends in Toronto complained that her husband has wasted her career because she had to sacrifice five years to get their three children while he took a PhD and worked to earn high wages. She feels cheated by her husband, not even when she has three adorable boys to show for her sacrifice. She doesn't see it as a sacrifice for herself and her family; she wished she also had a PhD, because she had the academic ability. Women should know that it is not about their ability; it is about them, being the only people who are naturally disposed to make those fantastic sacrifices men are never able to. In addition to being men, women also have a womb (wombman).

Prof Slaughter gives some fascinating details about some accomplished women who are either single mums or plain single. She doesn't say they couldn't tolerate men, but the pattern is all too familiar. The accomplished woman is a lot of hard work for most men. Anne-Marie is a sweet exception: she praises her husband's contribution to the life of her boys. She doesn't mention his profession but it is almost clear she would not mind if he is not a fellow professor or a White House material. She acknowledges that she is a woman first, a mother second, a wife and of course a professor.

What exactly do women want in life? It looks simple enough a question that has ready answers in a great 6foot muscular build gentleman,Harvard educated, great career, fat salary, nice car and a huge pricy house. Well, it is not as simple as that. Women look for all these and a little bit more. Or perhaps a little bit less. The modern educated woman is often prepared to contribute half the down payment for the mortgage. But they would be happy if you paid it all, so they get to keep their half for other girly stuff.

A young woman I dated briefly in England worried that I didn't own a house at the time. We were all students in the same university, doing the same programme. We were even the same age. She had been in England longer than me and lived with family. I thought it was inconsiderate of her to expect me to accomplish in three years what she could only dream in seven. She wanted to see me in a great career before she would say yes. Now, this is where the real difference between men and women shows: while the successful man is not too big for an average woman, the accomplished, well-educated career woman suddenly becomes too good for an average man.

Women are not an enigma, just that there is something enigmatic about them. We need them around, maybe more than they need us. But how do we manage their expectations and satisfy their curiosities? The commentary that followed Prof Slaughter's article queried why she did not suggest the sacrifices that men should also make to help the female cause. But the Prof is emphatic: “Yes it's work-life balance, but it is still an issue that affects women more than men.” She opines that “Male leaders are routinely praised for having sacrificed their personal life on the alter of public service, sacrifice that includes their family. Yet, their children, too, are trained to value public service over private responsibility.”Finally, Prof Slaughter admonishes women to “rush to adapt to the 'man's world' that our mothers and mentors warned us about.” This approach is good for women empowerment and for women in leadership.

KwesiTawiah-Benjamin
[email protected]

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