Ta-Ra-A-A-A Ticki-Taka Football! Adieu Inglate-E-Era!

K1: Koo, I don't like what they are doing to Kwesi Appiah! You appoint a Ghanaian coach, he goes to the World Cup, and eh? Bam!

He's roasted when he loses his first match - against the USA!

K2: Ah - but he too? You know we've beaten the Americans twice before in the World Cup. So by all means, they will 'mean us' paa! And they've got this coach called Klinsman, who will employ a German's notoriously indefatigable assiduity scientifically to delineate our weaknesses and try to whup us. And yet you play only your 'Second Eleven' against him! What was he keeping Essien and Kevin Prince Boateng on the bench for?

K2: He said that he 'thought the Americans would get tired!'

K1: Get tired? Because of the heat?
Does he know the average temperature of Las Vegas? 'Get tired?!!' What logic!

Why not give them seven-nil first, with your strongest side, and then retire your best players back to the bench?

K2: Koo, you know something? I don't think our defeat was caused by tactics on the field ALONE! Ghanaians in authority of any sort have become sosikadicious (addicted to the love of sika or cash) that any calamity in our national affairs can be traced to cashmatics!.

K1: You have a point there, Koo. I heard that the players were angry because the appearance fee they had agreed upon in Ghana, was changed, once they'd arrived in Brazil, the idea being, if you don't like it, buy your own ticket and fly back!

K2: I heard it was changed from $100,000 to $75,000.

KI: The sums are so specific: there's no smoke without fire!

K2: But Koo, can it make sense? The sports administrators know that there is always - I mean always, always! - trouble about cash, when footballers go on national assignment.

Why wait then, until they get to Brazil, before taking that particular hornet out of the box?

K1: I also heard that the players' hotel was found to be leaky from heavy rainfall.

K2: Again, why didn't the administrators send an advance party to Natal to make sure everything was ok before the team itself got there? And, anyway, what are 'contingency funds' meant for?

K1: Koo, last but not least, the administrators apparently employed the wrong jujuman!

K2: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Kwesi Appiah
Yes, I heard that instead of taking Kwaku Bonsam along, they took someone else, who (1) only wore a few beads around his neck, instead of a plethora of them, decorated with red parrots' feathers and abronoma (dove) wings; (2) only rolled his eyes wide when the ball failed to enter our opponents' net, instead of taking off his own head and throwing it up and down in disgust! and (3) he was seduced by beautiful, coffee-coloured Brazilian Amazon bed-warriors, who diluted his powers completely.

You know that jujus frown upon sex before matches even by football players how much more indulgence in sex by their own juju medium/priest?

K1: Yieee, Koo, you have recited those accusations as if you were one of

Kwaku Bonsam's propagandists!
K2: Oh, don't mind Kwaku Bonsam.
He only zeroed in on Portugal's 'Lonaldo', who is probably the only Portuguese player whose name he can partly pronounce!

Notice he couldn't mouth a single German name! Why? A good jujuman is supposed to have eyes at the back of his head, but he could not foresee the danger the Americans would pose for us, despite his sojourn in the Bronx, New York!

K1: Hmmm, Koo, the World Cup is a strange tournament, right? I mean who could have imagined that the USA would score against Ghana in under 30 seconds?

Is this the same Ghana that was once described in the London Times newspaper as having 'out- Brazilled Brazil'? Humiliated by a country, the USA, that does not even call football football, but 'saccer'?

K2: And Koo, who would have thought that Spain, the World Champions, would be sent packing after playing only two group matches and

losing both?
K2: Koo, didn't the Dutch play extremely well in that match, eh? Their beautiful, flowing football made the Spaniards look like the fourth eleven of Hearts of Oak!

They resorted to what is called 'frustrate-them-with ticki-taka passes', when what was needed was the real stuff that world champions can present to the world.

A five-one drubbing by Netherlands!
I actually suspect that that was the real reason the Spanish King abdicated! It stung him in the same way his bullet would have stung that elephant he shot dead some time ago in Botswana!

But the sight of his young son waving at the crowds in Madrid, on becoming the new King, has done nothing to lessen the pain felt by his country

K1: Kingship has lost its magic these days, hasn't it?

I mean, who is the real King of Spain? Isn't it Lionel Messi, who hasn't got a drop of Spanish royal blue (blood) in his veins?

K2: Yiee, Koo - how are the mighty fallen. Monarchical England is also practically out of the tournament?

K 1 : Yes o! And they were done by the same guy who 'done' us in 2010 - Luis Suarez.

I said at the time that Suarez should be banned from international football, but nobody minded me. A guy with sharks' teeth - and who shows he's prepared to use them, both for biting opponents and for transforming them into ball stopping fins, when necessary - has no place in a game invented for deft-footed lambs.

K2: You wait - the World Cup will end and he will go back to try and earn hundreds of millions of pounds at Liverpool.

The grapevine in Liverpool reports that people are plotting about how Suarez will be dealt with, if he goes back there. Hung, quartered and drawn won't be enough - they'll pull out his front teeth whilst he's still breathing.

K1: That's better than what some Ghanaians were prepared to do to him in 2010: pour kerosene on him, skin him alive and throw him to the crocodiles of Paga!

Assuming the lake at Paga had not been dredged dry by the galamsey operators at that time!