Don't Blame "Bad" Children For Their Wrong Manners; Blame Their Parents

For all his life, Mr. Abodiba has always spoken words of encouragements, love and fellow-feeling before his children. He taught them worth of life and what life teaches. Mr. Abodiba never spoke immoral words, invoke swearwords or made statements that might down spirit his children.

He had always been vigilant with the kids and made sure he lived an exemplary life. Mr. Abodiba's children now understand that respect, kindness, clemency, understanding and love for humanity is a must. He left his family in a very good, healthier and productive way.

On the other hand, Mr. Akudugu always showered insults on the children, beat them up when they made the smallest mistake, and sometimes fought with the wife in the presence of his children.

He had never forgiven and forgotten or had no time for the children, unremittingly hanged to telling lies and sometimes refused to pay off their school fees or pocket-money.

Now, Mr. Akudugu's children know that when one hurts their feelings, the only preference is to strike back; rudeness is the leading action they take when somebody conducts themselves so indecently towards them.

They are yet to understand the essence to forgive. Mr. Akudugu's children are not only the best prevaricators in their vicinity but also lawbreakers.

One would never have better children if they do not show what they are supposed to pick up and comprehend about life. At the tender age, the child always thinks the parent way of life is the most excellent and so they try to copy.

The basic foundation of adult life is formed out of what children hear and see at home during the tender growing age. During this tender growing age, the child's mind records every minute detailed of whatever that comes in it. As you are unconscious doing your acts, the child's unconscious mind is recording them one after the other.

Unhealthy environment will take child's mind toward negativity while peaceful and loving atmosphere between the parents take the child's mind toward positive.

My Pop never had better schooling and for that matter, had to make every effort to get himself at work. He tried harder to have a paid work but nothing seemed to change for better. There was only one legacy he could be proud; that was land.

During the 70s and 80s, among the means one could be called a rich-man is to have ample fertile farmlands which possibly would produce over 100 bags of foodstuffs and so forth. Opportunely, he had a couple of them at productive locations but didn't have much interest in farming.

Recognizing this as part of him, and never wanted such a tendency to crop in us, he worked tough on it to have hale and hearty and productive family.

He hid such a character and compellingly developed keen concentration in farming. For this, he was the earliest person to leave for the farm and the very last person to leave for home.

This, in fact, egged on his children including me to also leave for the farm early in the morning and worked as it was required for the day and in actuality, it became a fraction of us.

You don't have to teach your children about how they should or shouldn't behave. Basically become what you want them to become because the child will definitely copy the parent. God created children pure or they were all born clean but parents are openly responsible for taking their wholesomeness away leaving them in a total mess.

If you want to have calmed child, then you must first be calm. If you want to have obedient children, become more compliant. You want them to march in God's direction, begin to walk toward that trend.

Don't forget that, if one's father is a liar, a cheat, among others, they are more likely to head for a life of dishonesty, fraud or cruelness. For all you know the child studies, and masters the unconscious manners and habits of the parents with exactitude.

The child, after seven years, becomes the master of his own through the parents' pattern and conduct at home. The state of affairs and upbringing at home is the basic foundation and stepping-stone for every child; his learning begins there.

It simply means that, the major influence is the father and the mother. Consistent training is required at this stage of the child so that they will grow up it. Remember, if a dog can be trained to hunt and to keep the home safe, or to be housebroken, certainly children can also be trained in behavioral matters.

We endlessly hold children responsible for the blunders they commit and consider them in what on earth they do which is somehow unfair.

If the unconscious mind of the child is in control of each and every moment of the parent and this “each and every moment” is emulated by the child and his manners and attitudes becomes like the parent, why then do we have to blame the child when they don't even know how those behaviors became part of them?

Our persistent course of action to deny this shadowy side of life has made the world no peaceful place for us to live.

Parents greatly affect their children's behavior. It is important that they set the right examples for their children. Bad ones can be damaging to a child development. Remember, Children are like sponges: they incorporate what parent does into their own lives.

During my secondary school days at Bawku Senior High School, a colleague told me a story of a notorious robber who constantly advised thieves to call a halt to stealing but went beyond Ghana borders to robber. “He believes Ghana is a poor country so he never operated in the country” the guy told me.

One strange thing he said about the robber was “he advices the younger ones especially thieves. When a thief was caught, he sat him down and advised him” he said.

“One of the things he tells them is stealing is not good, it is not a good habit so stop” but on the other side of the coin, he was a robber.

Among the many questions I asked the guy was whether the robber had a psycho hitch and what were really his explanations behind the robbery? While waiting speechlessly to listen to another face of the story, he (My colleagues) remained unspeaking until the bell was rung for the dining hall and so we all left for dining. As to how the robber kept with his questionable behavior while advising others to stop, I was marveled.

Could it be that, he unconsciously copied it during his childhood age and it became part and parcel of him or he did it intentionally or was born with that disputed behavior?

The behavior patterns, personal beliefs, and religious beliefs of parents play a very crucial role in the development of the child's unconscious mind. Whatever they do in their lives or during their upbringing will dominate the future of the child.

The conditioning and upbringing we have were given unknowing by the unconscious minds of our parents. Now, who is in charge of the child life from the age seven until they grow?

One observation I made over the years is that, a child from a Muslim family be raised according to Muslim principles, even here there divisions. A child from the Christian family will be raised according to Christian conditioning, there are divisions here too. Parents can model their children the way they want them to be either strong or weak. They are the master of their children's unconscious mind.

The way of our life is taken from two sources, thus from the parents (behaviour patterns, personal beliefs, the parents' pattern and conduct at home, the exhibition of some offensive words in the presence of one's son or daughter and others) and the locality where one lives (This is where the parents must play their role extremely well to protect the child from external forces that may influence their life).

Parents can pass on hereditary problems to their children but not mental aspects can be passed on through blood. On the other hand, the mind which is not a physical part of the body acts independently and no genes can be passed on from mind to mind. This exactly means that, behaviour can only be learnt and cannot in any way pass on from the parent to the child.

Our failure to comprehend the meaning of marriage which is the most vital link to the development of one's unconscious mind is another contributory element.

If one moves around to interview every living soul what they intend becoming in future none not even the hopeless will tell you they want to join a gang to make quick money or to take hard drugs to free themselves from worries. Why then do children completely become what they didn't want to become?

Parents are the role model of their children and for that matter must see to it that all necessary needs of their kids are provided on time. It is also the responsibility of the parents to breed their kids morally to fit the society in which they live to serve as an example to others.

Every married couple will confidently tell you they want to give birth to better children on earth. They may even try to convince you at the first three years of the child, providing everything to make it save from all awful conditions.

At that moment, no parent will leave their baby crying and struggling with the ground. Why? Because it is still babyish and powerless to comfort itself and provide it own needs.

The question one may ask is; why parents are so compassionate at the first three years or even beyond of the child and suddenly changed after those years?

Some parents, therefore, take care of their kids with a different mindset while others over-pamper them and all things being equal change the behavior of the child.

Parents of today have no time for themselves not to talk of their children. All they do is to work for eight (8) hours a day without paying much attention to their offspring.

For those in employment, they say “always busy” but for the jobless, they spend their time either in disagreement, in performance, playing cards or other games with friends without demonstrating some of the concerns about the welfare of their own blood (children).

When much attention is not paid to kids by parents, they will rather find time to do what they think is good for them.

Paying much attention to your kids does not mean one should leave their office work or job and sit with them all day and night to figure out things about them.Common observation and provision of their needs are part of the easiest and the costless way of taking good care of your kids.

Give them the chance to express their feelings before you will also be a means to know their concealed challenges.

Some parents do not give their kids a smiling face while others have no time to find out the kind of friends their kids make.It is of this fact that children get the chance to do what they think is good for them.

From generation to generation, children need loving parents who share happiness with them and also show them how much they love them.

Read what someone told me in an interview “my father has never smiled before me. Any time I approach him with a problem for his concern, he scares me away”. How do you expect a child in this situation to live life to the fullest? No paternal love, showing of concern among others.

Parents have to always intervene in their children lives making sure all odds of life are softened.

A child who has no parental concern about their well being will be forced to discuss their problems with friends who may end up influencing them into deviant behaviors.

Read another complain “any time my father comes from work; I will be forced to leave the room. He does not want to see me neither does he want me to sit closer to him. Any time I suggest on something he clears me off”

For good parent-child relationship, they must be an enabling environment. Parents must create a kind of relationship known as “free to express environment”. Let the child realizes that you have all the time to listen to him and will always pay good attention to him.

Children of today are the future leaders and parents are guardians of the future, and the first thing and expectation of every family and society should be to raise healthy and productive individuals who are physically, psychologically, socially and mentally well developed. This can only be achieved by giving them good treatments.

The consideration of physical punishment as a way of putting the child on the right path has tend out to be the cause of child turning more deaf ears to their parents. It is not a surprise that, they keep on uttering bad-mannered words in the presence of their parents.

Rose Erickson, an American writer stated that “When a parent elects to use physical punishment, such as spanking, it does not teach the child how to change his behavior. Children can also react aggressively to physical punishment. When parents chooses alternate forms of punishment, such as time-outs, they are helping modify the child's bad behavior in a calm manner”

“The house you are building today will be strong or weak according to the foundation you have laid. You can build a beautiful house with marble floors, decorate it with golden chandeliers and expensive furniture, but if the foundation is weak, which our bare eyes cannot see, a little jolt or a minor earthquake will make the house fall like a pack of cards. Our inner child, the unconscious mind, will be strong or weak, positive or negative, according to the foundation laid by each parent. It has been confirmed by psychiatrists that the mind of a child is highly telepathic during the first seven years. The child not only picks what he sees and hears, but the thoughts and emotions of people who are close to him are being recorded as well in his mind unconsciously. So it is very important to watch what is going on inside you when your children are growing.”

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