Marriage And Divorce: Who Is To Blame?

Dear reader,

The essence of this article is to stop someone from contemplating divorcing their spouse, to discourage someone in the process from securing a divorce and, to encourage someone with a divorce certificate to ignore the paper and the impression they are no longer married and return to that marriage; that marriage remains intact till death do it part- Mark 10:9; Romans 7:2-3; 1Corinthians 7:10; 1Corinthians 7:39.

We should be aware that without marriage (Yahweh approved), there will be no divorce, no re-marriage and any subsequent consequence including adultery. Yahweh approved marriage involves one adult male and one adult female who previously never married or previously married but lost their spouse through death.

Problems in marriage are real and are like fire or decease; early detection of it and a wise decision to curtail it will mean that the fire or the decease is stopped before it spreads; then, the blames, which always go to someone or something other than us.

It was the other day, in an entrepreneurship class, a Stanford lecturer asked his Silicon students who their biggest barrier from launching out was. After half a minute silence, a male student voted to answer. He said, “Their biggest obstacle was Nancy Pelosi.” The next 30 seconds, the room radiated with laughter, yet none was sure if Nancy was the real threat. Nancy Pelosi, a Calif. Dem. was then the Speaker of the US House. Silence eventually returned only when the lecturer waded in. Peacefully, he said, we, i.e. you and me (not Nancy) are our biggest barriers.

In an attempt to find the meaning of Marriage it was found that marriage is not what many might think it is. Marriage is not about what someone can get or obtain from the marriage or from their spouse; marriage is and should be about what someone can give into the marriage. Marriage is and should be how someone can keep the marriage and their spouse growing and happy. Marriage is and should be about giving and not about taking or receiving.

Many go into marriages for what they can get and not what they can give; when spouses are unable to realise their expectations, or when their expectations have been met an outwardly unmanageable stresses set in. it happens because spouses involved did not set out to loss anything but to gain possibly, everything not at their own expense.

Here is where you and I become the obstacles to the edification of this house of Yahweh. This occurs when everyone embarks on a selfish journey, a journey of self importance and self preservation instead of a journey of selflessness that seeks to sacrifice everything even at our personal expense to please (part of) our body.

Think of marriage as a basin filled with water. A comes in and takes as much as she wants without replacement; then B comes in and scoops as much if not more. As this goes on, this vital resource is depleted without serious attempts to replace or rebuild or grow it; under such stress, frustration will set in, then anger and a little while, an explosion, which leads to the decapitation of the marriage into what is commonly called divorce.

All the known (traditional) marital challenges are deeply rooted into the actions or inactions of spouses: from handling irritable neighbours (i.e. parents, siblings, friends, brethren, pastors, agencies, etc) to our own selfish and prideful desires. It is what the spouses did not do or what they did that will enhance or endanger the marriage. So, when marriage fails or about to fail, spouses must hold themselves accountable. What this means is, A the wife must hold herself accountable and Bthe husband must hold himself accountable and not Mrs. Pelosi or anyone else.

When we understand that Aand Bhave the responsibility to together rebuild and grow the contents in the basin, everyone will seek to please the other no matter what it takes. This would be the reason Abraham would not forsake Sarah (his wife for life) or involve in extra-marital thrill seeking, though convenience and natural wisdom would favour that; this would be the reason Rebecca (mother of Esau and Jacob) would not forsake, look down or cheat on Isaac (her husband for life) who remained maimed including blindness for the last eighty or seventy years of his life.

This must also be the reason for spouses to live and love each other and seek to please each other and encourage and admonish each other and rebuke each other where it becomes necessary, and the reason such rebuke should be received or accepted in good faith by each other without malice-Ephesians 5:21-27; 1 Peter 3:1-9.

Spouses are to blame for all marriage break-ups, because they failed to listen and adhere to Yahweh's instructions. No one can love Yahweh and disobey Yeshua whose opinion on marriage is sacred-Matthew 19:6-9, Luke 16:18.

Given the above, who still contemplates divorce? Who still wants to complete the divorce process they initiated? Who still does not want to return to their Yahweh approved spouse? Please, have a change of mind. With courage and forgiveness, you will be the one to testify how the love of Yahweh in your heart has enabled you to do all things that glorify the Lord-Philippians 4:13. Divorce cannot glorify Yahweh-Malachi 2:16. Let not offences hinder your love for the Lord-Luke 17:1. Revenge is not ours but Yahweh's-Romans 12:9. Leave Yahweh to deal with all offences.

To Elohim be all the glory.

Eze Uduma