How to parent a child?
10/31/2011 8:13:33 AM -
Every parent must ask the very basic question to themselves as how are they parenting their children? Are they groomed based on strong values and beliefs, with truth and honesty, with simplicity and practical wisdom, with fear and concern, with doubts and suspicion, with superstition and occultism, with criticism and irrationalism, with wisdom and knowledge, with encouragement and inspiration?
It may be difficult to answer the above question as every component listed above could be true and relevant in the upbringing of their children. While passing them through the cascade of various psychological events & elements, most parents knowingly or unknowingly prepare the child more for future with the total commitment and belief that the child's life lies only in the future and present is purely meant only for future. Hence the 'present' is only a preparing ground and so they have to focus more on working for future.
It is true that every parent wish their daughter or son to be a doctor or an engineers or something else. Parents usually set a goal for their children and pushing and preparing them towards the goal. Interestingly the goal itself may not be permanent. The influence of neighbor or others can easily change the goal. Once the goal is changed, the exercise of preparing the child for the new goal starts once again.
From the very birth, they are programmed to work for future. Told to focus on future, told to become someone in future. All the efforts and endeavors are only for future and all that happens certainly at the expense of the 'present'
When the child fails to live or appreciate the present and knows the present to be only for preparing for the future, they are not only going to loose the present but the future as well.
The fundamental truth every parent should remember is that any achievement or no achievement, effort or no effort, success or failure, become a doctor or an engineer, everything can happen only in the present and nothing on earth would happen in future.
Swami Sukhabodhananda always used to say that the past could appear in all our life only as 'present' and obviously the 'present' also as 'present' and so too is the future.
When the child reaches future, the future is also going to exist in child's life only as 'present' and not as future. When the child is trained or programmed for future, how they could enjoy whatever they could become. Once they become a doctor or an engineer, their programmed mindset will tell them to become something in future. Once again they start galloping towards the unknown future or will be like an 'Alice in Wonderland'
The message is not against aspiring or developing the child to become something. Parents should encourage and inspire the child towards the achievements instead of programming or preparing them.
Know your actions & your efforts on the child and its consequences as well. Let the present be their 'present (gift)' and do not snatch it away.