Some Animal Has Caught King Kong! By Cameron Duodu

To the filmgoers among my school mates, King Kong was the strongest animal we had ever seen on the screen.

So when we had a foreboding that a very serious and unexpected event was about to take place, we would say, “Hey! Today, some other animal is going to catch King Kong!”

What sort of very 'serious and unexpected' event?

Oh, there were plenty. Say a man knew that his wife had travelled somewhere, and wasn't expected to return until the next day. And so, he had invited his girl friend to come and spend the night with him. And we, sitting on our veranda idly chatting about all manner of things, saw his wife alighting from a vehicle, having returned home a day earlier.

You with me? Yeah -- we would pinch one another, smile contentedly, and whisper to each other: “Ha! Today, some animal is going to catch King Kong!”

And sure enough, in less time than it takes to say, “Ei!”, we would see the visiting girl friend running past us like a Marion Jones who had been doubly doped. Minus blouse, or bra, or (sometimes) even panties.

And someone else, running like Usain Bolt, would soon appear -- chasing her and yelling abuse and generally challenging her to stop and fight, 'if she was a “woman'.

“You know (pant) how to (pant …pant) sleep with a man (pant….pant…pant….) who is not your husband (pant…..pant….pant…) but you can't fight!…(pant). Prostitute!…. Whore!….Man thief!….Look at her flat buttocks….” You get the idea.

“Ahaah! Didn't we say some animal was going to catch King Kong today?”

And everyone, except those who knew the lady who had taken flight, would be cheering at the top of their voices, “Ho-o-o-o-o-oh!… Yeeeiiii!”…. and jumping up and down.

Such spectacles used to excite us so much that all we needed was to hear others engaged in making that peculiar, indescribable, noise that makes up a racket, before we joined in.

Well, it could sometimes lead to great embarrassment.

For instance, one day, when we were in Class Three, I saw a group of mates run to stand outside the Standard Three classroom and chant repeatedly, “Under the bed! Under the bed!” They would then took to their heels. And come back to do it again, after a while. They did this several times. I joined in, of course.

And finally, a very pretty, well-built Standard Three girl ran out and began to chase us.

I recognised her. She was the girl friend of my own elder brother!

What! Apparently, she was with my brother when the voice of my brother's wife was heard outside. So she hastily hid under the bed.

How she was discovered there and how my schoolmates heard of it, was a mystery to me. All I knew was that they stood outside her classroom and chanted “Under the bed!” in unison. And since she was bigger than them -- big enough to do the 'real thing' while they were still anticipating the growth of pubic hair -- they ran away before she could lay her heavy hands on them.

I was very ashamed that I had joined the pack in teasing her. But there was nothing I could do. I'd fallen prey to the herd instinct, you see.

The only way I can describe what happened to the Black Stars on Sunday 31st January 20l0 is that “some animal caught King Kong”. End of story. We should all take it as something that can happen in the world.

I mean, those of you who remember Tarzan of The Apes will recall that quite often, strong as he was, hordes of people who were physically slighter than he was, managed to capture him. They would then tie him to the base of a sacred tree and begin drumming and dancing around him. In the 'more cruder' Tarzan films, (the ones we enjoyed best) there would be huge pots with oil in them, boiling nearby. The savages were always non-white (of course) but it never occurred to us to be on their side rather than Tarzan's -- the film-makers manipulated our minds to hate them like we hated all film-villains, actually. .

But then, Tarzan would be rescued by his chimpanzee, “Cheeta”. The chimp would steal Tarzan's knife from where his captors had hidden it, and bring it to him. And Tarzan would cleverly cut himself loose, without letting his captors know he'd done so. Then, unexpectedly, Tarzan would set upon them. And great would be the slaughter inflicted thereof.

Thereof? Sorry -- I think I am mixing the vocabs there -- those are words more aptly applied to Samson of Delilah fame. But you get the idea…

Yep. The Black Stars were thrashed. It happens. It can happen to King Kong. It can happen to Tarzan. It can happen to Samson. So it can happen to anyone -- even our beloved Black Stars So let us put the defeat into context.

And yet…

And yet what?

Well -- you know what I think of the omission of Sule Muntari….

Oh, don't be a bore. Don't bring up that Muntari old hat again.

I am not being a bore. Asamoah Gyan tried to shoot at goal from about 34 yards. When we got a free-kick. He missed, of course. Now, suppose it had been Muntari…?

-- Suppose! Suppose. Okay, let us play “suppose” then. Suppose we'd had Essien ….

--- But the guy is lying in bed injured!

--- Exactly!! That's what I mean. You do what you can with what you've got, and forget about 'suppose.' So shut your beak and go and look for something to drink.

---- But….

--- But what?

--- It is -- painful!

--- Of course it is painful. It was painful for King Kong too when he was captured -- especially just when the girl had begun to empathise with him.

--- Ugh!

--- It was painful for Tarzan to be tied with ropes to that tree -- especially as he only got caught because he didn't want to kill anybody.

--- I grant you that.

--- It was painful for Samson -- especially when he was sleeping in Delilah's soft arms in a drunken stupor, believing that she loved him more than she loved her own people. Only for her to cut off the hair in which his power lay. But such is life.

---As the writing on the tro-tro says: “And such is life“?

--- You bet. So let it be with the Black Stars, Ok?

---- Ouch! It is painful!

===================

My friends on the Achimota Internet forum have been greatly perturbed by the report that their alma mater was in danger of being “closed” down because the sewage plant of the school is broken and spilling excreta and stench all around the school premises.

Like me, they are flabbergasted. How can such a disgraceful thing be allowed to happen?

One thing Achimota imbues its students with in massive doses, is pride. Pride that their school used to observe the highest standards in educating them. Pride that everyone who has passed through its walls values the traditions endowed it by its founders --- Dr J E Kwegyir Aggrey, the Rev. A G Fraser -- to mention only the two most prominent among them. To say nothing of its illustrious alumni -- Dr Kwame Nkrumah and the current President, Dr J A Mills being among a list of luminaries so long that it could fill this newspaper from beginning to end if it were to be printed in its entirety.

Old Achimotans “(Akoras”) are so knowledgeable that it seems preposterous for us non-Achimotans to poke our noses into the business of their school.

But, of course, we mustn't forget that the school belongs to every Ghanaian. And also, that we all owe it a lot. To take just one example -- without Achimota, Ghana would not have had Dr Kwame Nkrumah, and without Dr Kwame Nkrumah, Ghana would not have had the Akosombo Dam, Tema Harbour and other valuable projects.

It therefore behoves us all to mount pressure on our government to save Achimota. It is the Government's duty to Ghanaian society and the Government must fulfil that duty, whether it likes it or not. Members of the Government are escorted by outriders to hold Cabinet meetings -- with plush victuals served -- in the Castle, just as Gordon Guggisberg and his executive council did at the time they built Achimota. Members of the Government have gleefully inherited those privileges. Well, let them accept the inherited duties too, for God's sake.

First, the President should be asked to charge the Attorney-General's office with the duty of finding out whether there are any laws regarding the safety of inhabited public property which can be invoked to override litigation regarding land ownership. For the school's headmistress is quoted as saying that the school's sewage system is broken because people have built houses near the school and broken the sewage pipes, but because the matter is in court, she cannot therefore comment on it. That legal Gordian knot should be cut NOW, or, as we know, the lawyers will still be talking their heads off, while typhoid kills some of our brainiest kids.

Does the Attorney-General's office agree that concern for public safety can “overthrow” prosaic litigation regarding property ownership?

To my layman's mind, that is the crucial question which can, at a stroke, eliminate the influence of “big men“ from this messy affair. Whoever is building on Achimota land, whether legally or illegally, must give way when public safety is invoked.

This is how I understand the situation: suppose someone dug a canal near the Volta Lake and this flooded the adjacent area, and when he was ordered by the VRA to fill it up, he refused and challenged the VRA's order in court, would the VRA fold its arms and wait for the case to run its normal course of adjournment-decision-followed-by-lengthy-appeals-dogged-by-adjournments, while the rains flooded the Lake and threatened to drown people?

There must be legal measures available in our Statute Book and it is for our publicly-paid lawyers to apply their kinds to the issue and provide the solution. If they fail to do so because they are afraid of the influence of “big men“, the lawyers of Ghana, through the Ghana Bar Association, should seek an order of certiorari which, I believe, can force the Minister responsible -- most probably the Minister of Education -- to stand firm and discharge his duty to the public on the issue.

“Gagging writs” are, of course, employed in cases of libel and privacy and can be easily deployed tactically in property cases too. But when the “public good” is threatened, they must be overturned. There cannot be a conflict between the public good and the sub judice rule. The public good stands supreme. So let our lawyers be up and doing, if the Government fails to do its duty of safeguarding the public good. .