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DIVORCE

You cannot just divorce your spouse simply because you are “not getting along very well with each other”. God hates divorce, and did not make it part of His original plan for us, when He designed marriage as a holy union between one man and one woman. “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce” (Malachi 2: 16). Whatever you have to do to prevent divorce, you have to do it, and start early before it becomes too late. In my opinion, if you know in your heart that you cannot be honest with yourself, discipline yourself, and become committed to another person in a marriage bond, then ask God for the grace to stay single and pure without marrying. Am I stepping on some toes really hard?? But, please, you understand the point I am trying to make, don't you?

We must all agree that divorce is a terrible tragedy, which we must all plan to avoid at all cost. For a man and a woman to vow to each other before God Almighty as permanent partners (for better or for worse), expose themselves to each other sexually, share their bodies and emotions plus all other resources intensely for a long period of time, assemble family members and friends as witnesses, mix their families together to create in-law relations, and above all have children from their exclusive union, and then decide to break the holy union forever against what they originally promised God and man, is a huge and incalculable damage. Even where the reasons of adultery and fornication become the grounds for divorce, God did not categorically call for divorce, because every sin can be forgiven. There have been countless cases of serious infidelity on the part of spouses, but compassion, true love, humility, wisdom, fear of God, application of scripture, endurance, patience, and intense prayers have brought restoration and joy to the “almost-on-the-rocks” marriages again. But unfortunately, divorce can occur with all the attendant consequences, because of the fallen nature of man.

To the Gospels (Mathew 5: 31, 32; Mathew 19: 1-9; Mark 10: 1-8; Luke 16: 18), Moses wrote the law on divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1) because of hardness of the heart of the people of Israel. All divorce can therefore be traced to the hardness of human hearts (on the part of a husband, or a wife, or both partners). Under the Gospels, there is no excuse for "hardness of heart" against each other (2 Corinthians 5: 17, 18; Ephesians 4: 24) and so no room was made by Christ for divorce based on that. “Those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5: 24).

Except for fornication or adultery, if a man puts away his wife he causes her to commit adultery, and if he marries another woman he commits adultery. “Furthermore it has been said, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce. But I (Jesus) say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Mathew 5: 31, 32).

“He (Jesus) answered and said to them, 'Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate. Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Mathew 19: 4-6 & 8-9).

Sex outside of marriage makes the marriage contract null and void, similar to sex sin before marriage which also defiles the person (Deuteronomy 24: 1-4).

The New Testament exceptions to the old Law of Moses on the right to divorce are:

i) Fornication (as stated above). We can easily understand this in view of Proverbs 2: 16-20; 6: 24-26; 7: 5-23; 9: 13-18; 11: 22; 30: 20-23 etc.). “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man commits is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his (or her) own body” (1 Corinthians 6: 18).

ii)Willful desertion by one party because of Christ and the Gospel (1 Corinthians 7: 12-15). This is the case where one spouse (unbeliever) does not share the faith the other has in Christ. The Christian is not allowed to divorce, because he or she has a sanctifying influence on the other party. He or she is to pray for, love, and live an exemplary life that is Godly to win him or her to Christ (1 Peter 3: 1, 2). However, if the unbelieving partner agrees to leave the marriage, then the other Christian partner is freed from the union, and has the right to marry another person (who has not violated God s law), but "only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7: 39).

SEPARATION

Separation is recommended when a couple, after a considerable period of living together, are convinced that their differences have reached violent levels of destructive abuse, or extreme violation of the marriage vows and principles. It becomes necessary when their incompatibility deepens to the point of a possible divorce, if no definite steps are taken to resolve matters.

This is the situation where the couple find themselves living with constant tension, fighting, abuse, neglect, hurt, and other opposing factors that promote their destruction rather than the growth and progress of a healthy relationship. In such a case, it may become necessary for them to separate and live apart for a while.

Such a step will encourage tempers to cool down as they reflect on their lives and meditate on the Lord for repentance, reassurance, strength, direction and answers. Separation also provides time for healing, and renewal of love and vision
For any form of separation, they must "come together again in order that Satan does not tempt them through lack of self control" (1 Corinthians 7: 5). This scripture also teaches us that there can be temporary separation allowed by God for spiritual reasons (fasting and prayer, ministry etc.), but should not be done for too long The length of the separation depends on the gravity of their problems and the degree of healing necessary to obliterate wounds that will not allow them to live peacefully together.

In some instances, the extent of abuse and other life-threatening conditions may necessitate the pursuit of legal steps for protection and resolution of some crucial issues in accordance with the laws of the land. Christians should, however, remember that our greatest Lawgiver and Advocate is in Heaven, and He is the Lord of hosts. The husband or wife and the family should therefore engage in sincere repentance to begin with. This must be accompanied by fervent and consistent prayer of faith offered to God our Father in Heaven through Jesus Christ our Lord.

If, for any reason, the discontented couple decides not to come together again, then it constitutes divorce, in which case they should remain single for the rest of their lives. "The wife should not leave her husband, but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband, and that the husband should not send his wife away" (1 Corinthians 7: 10, 11). The only other condition for re-marriage is death (if your spouse dies) – 1 Corinthians 7: 39.

LIVING AND COPING WITH SEPARATION OR DIVORCE

I don't believe that anyone under the sun entertains the desire from childhood to marry one day and be separated or get divorced.
In recent times a few adults with contorted view of family life or bitterness from past hurtful experiences decide to cohabit with another person without any real commitment for marriage. Some are plain afraid of the responsibilities involved in decent family life. Such (usually frustrated or disillusioned) individuals enter into their relationships with a “contract minded mentality” rather than a “covenant minded mentality” Even then, people still hope to hang on tenaciously to their invented loose association, so far as it works for them.

In summary, NOBODY REALLY HAS A DIVORCE OR SEPARATION AS PART OF HIS OR HER FUTURE DREAMS. IT IS USUALLY UNEXPECTED ---- BY THE COUPLE, PARENTS, FAMILY MEMBERS, CHURCH MEMBERS, FRIENDS, AND ALL. Only a heartless and senseless enemy will be “praying for it, expecting it, and rejoice over it when it occurs”.

Any severance of a love relationship is like amputation of a hand! But, should the wounded hand bleed forever? Then all the blood in other areas of the body will be lost, and the inevitable will occur ---- death of the whole person. There should be calculated, wise, God-centered efforts to get healing, for life to continue.

Whether separated, or divorced, the persons involved must critically and sincerely analyze the root causes of all conflicts, and particularly admit the part each played in creating the problems. They must genuinely repent, make restitution where necessary (including humble apologies), and use the experience to develop Godliness that will enable them to bear fruit in all future relationships with family members and friends.

Other steps that could hasten the healing process after divorce are: Continued    Source: Samuel A. Kisseadoo, Dr. Rev.

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