Yaanom...Mekyea Mo Nyinaa, Mema Mo Akwaaba! Hello my gorgeous readers! Okay...I know I know...it's been a ridiculously long time since I wrote you guys... but don't shoot me though...your girl just lost her mojo for a while but now I'm back...and as always with a must-read article which I promise you'll enjoy so do get comfy.
Today I will be putting the topic of our Ghanaian "traditional marriage" system on the table. Yes... I know... it's quite an undertaking, but I'm gonna take one for the team here (smiling). Now I'm sure we can all agree that there have been some misconceptions about our beautiful traditional marriage system, its customs, its rites, its history etc... I'm hoping that by the end of this article, we will all be a bit more enlightened on the different issues that will be addressed here as well as the proper use of some terminology...I mean...it's about time we call a spade a spade, because let's face it... if it's not clear to us...then it sure won't be clear to the generation to come who is learning from us. Before we get down to business though...do enjoy the short introductory animation made by yours truly.
I hope you enjoyed "The Marriage of Anansewaa" story. This is a play that was actually written by our very own Mrs. Efua Sutherland back in 1975. Mrs. Sutherland was one of our very own of whom we as a nation can be proud of, maybe never even known or perhaps forgotten by some of us, but surely memorable. She was a play writer, a poet, a dramatist and obviously also an author. In Amsterdam (the Netherlands) there is a whole street named after her, and back in Accra (Ghana) there is whopping 12 acre green land named after her called the “Efua Sutherland Children's Park”. Told you she's memorable... metaphorically and literally. Now in this particular play that I narrated, Mrs. Sutherland actually addresses the disapproval of colonial influences on our traditional systems (well... that is if you analyze the text and read between the lines). So if for more than 35 years ago, colonial influences on our traditional customs (marital and other systems) were so apparent and obvious...why then do we seem so oblivious of that very same fact today? This play is nowhere to be read online and so I actually had to drive an hour to get this, and just for you guys I made an online pdf available (small book of 82 pages)... so you may just click "here" if you would wanna read it... and click "here" for the analysis of the play which discusses the effects of colonialism on our traditional systems. I actually laughed reading it, so I'm pretty sure you'll love it just as much as I did.
Now we are gonna break down the specs of our traditional marriage customs and that of the west and get down to the analysis of both traditions, its customs, its history, similarities and differences. It seems only proper if I start with history so I will do just that. The Ghanaian traditional marriage dates since...well literally since forever. Our ancestors have been solidifying their marriage truly since the beginning of time, there is no precise date, because marriage ceremonies have always been around in some shape or form. Before there was a Ghana, before there was a Gold Coast, before our ancestors descended from Ancient Ghana etc., marital ceremonies were being performed (with respect to a particular tribe's customs of course). Now even though marriage ceremonies of other ethnic groups (other Africans, Americans, Europeans, Asians, Australians...) have also been around, the concept of the "white wedding" dates all the way back to 1840 when her Majesty Queen Victoria from Britain decided that she would marry Prince Albert in a white lace dress. And well the rest is history right…the rest of Europe caught on to this white dress/white wedding-trend, then the United States stepped on the huge band wagon and all the other continents followed as well, even the colonial countries were not excluded from it. So what are the fundamental differences or similarities between the two? Let's get started.
OOOHHH...THE INFAMOUS "ENGAGEMENT" CEREMONY
In the western world, the moment of engagement is actually not such an elaborate event. Couples can choose to either make this as small as they possibly want, and keep it intimate between the 2 concerning individuals, or decide to make this a bit bigger and include family and friends, and some can even decide to do it so grand that they would want to include the whole world by the use of mass media and social networking (such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter... just to name a few). In the western engagement system, there is no set of rules the couples need to abide to, to include family and friends is an option, but surely not an obligation. However according to our Ghanaian customs, with a slight possible variation with respect to the different tribes, it is fairly safe to state that the "engagement" ceremony is definitely a family affair. Now marriage begins with an engagement right…so let's start with that one. In the west, the engagement is solidified with an engagement ring. However in our culture, not so much... You see, what we (unfortunately alot of Ghanaians) call an "engagement" today is actually our "traditional marriage", and our traditional “knocking” or “Kookoo-Ko” or “Aboboom-Bo-Dee” is actually equivalent to the western engagement. Now the word “Kookoo-Ko” literally means “knocking at the door”, sometimes this is also referred to as “Aboboom-Bo-Dee”. It is at this stage where the groom-to-be knocks on the door of the father of his bride-to-be, and formally introduces himself and then with the most humble intentions asks for his daughter's hand in marriage by giving the “Ahu-Dee”. So it is during this time, that the groom to-be and his family, usually the father and well-respected uncles and a spokesman make their intentions known to the bride-to-be's family. Of course this does not go empty handed. The “Ahu-Dee” which is usually a bottle of Schnapps or Gin, serves then as the acknowledgement of the marriage intent. So as these are offered to the family of the bride-to-be, a sum of money is sometimes added to that. However the specifics of the drinks and the sum of money really varies from tribe to tribe, and from family to family. So once these items are accepted by the family, then that signifies the permission for the groom-to-be's family to make their intentions clear. After that, a list is provided to the groom-to-be's family. And from that moment on, the preparation towards the big day can finally start. According to the Oxford Dictionary, the definition of "engagement" is as follows "A formal agreement 'to get' married". So I'm pretty sure, the "Kookoo-Ko" or “Aboboom-Bo-Dee” fits the bill on that one.
HMMMM... THE INFAMOUS "LIST"
It's funny how an "innocent" list can really scare the bejeesus out of a couple and sometimes may even appear enormously daunting, but nonetheless it's just one of those things you need to get through. Now before I continue with this, please know that there will definitely be some slight variations from tribe to tribe, and also since the list is something made personally by the family, there may be some items on there that will not necessarily be seen on another couple's list. But please do allow me to discuss some of the items that are frequently placed on the list. So to start of is the Schnapps, this is used to ask for permission to speak in the house of the bride, so very important…without it…it'll be hard to enter (so with this my gents, be prepared). Then comes the “Tiri Nsa” also known as the “Head Drink” which is usually 2 bottles of Schnapps, Gin or Whisky. Now the head drink comes together with a sum of money also known as the “Dowry” or “Bride Price”. Now back in the olden days, the money that was offered to the bride and her family was meant for the bride to start up her own trade once she enters marriage. So even though nowadays parents request funds on the list to compensate for the expenses made for nurturing and grooming their daughter ready for marriage, the initial intent was for the bride's future trade purposes. Then several pieces of ntoma cloths (traditional fabric) are listed as well, the wedding ring of course (which is usually a ring with a rock on top of it, so it looks quite different than the circular wedding band). Then some jewelry and other gifts for the bride, a sowing machine, this could be used to sow and/or repair the cloths of her future children. A bible is also listed, then crates of drinks for the family and guests that will be present on that beautiful day. Then in addition, special funds, a bottle of Whisky or Gin and special traditional cloth(s) specifically for the father who protected his daughter and raised his daughter up from a beautiful girl to a grown woman ready for a marriage. Then for the mother of the bride, funds, special sandals and traditional cloth(s) are required as well since she was the one that taught her daughter all the manners needed to be a lady and all the skills required to be an excellent wife and mother in her marriage. Because just like the Akan proverb states: “Obaa Ko Awaree A Ode Ne Na Ko” which means “When a woman marries, she takes her mother along”. And this basically means that whatever a wife does in her marriage, will be a direct result of what she was taught by her mother. Then finally some funds and special traditional cloths are required as well for the brothers and/or male cousins who made sure that their sister would be protected at all times from unwanted and unfit suitors, this is also known as “Akonta Sekan”.
AHHH...OFF TO THE INFAMOUS "WEDDING" CEREMONY
Yessssss the day has finally come! Right…let's just hope that all the preparations went according to plan and nothing is missing on that list lol (because believe you me, they will check to verify)… So in the western wedding ceremony we all know that the most iconic item used is the infamous “white dress” which was made popular by her Majesty Queen Victoria of England. But when we look at our Ghanaian traditional wedding ceremony, we see a vibrancy of colors, so beautiful it is bound to give you an optic orgasm (smiling)… and no, that was not an overstatement. According to our customs, on the day itself, family and friends of the couple usually gather at the house of the father of the bride for the ceremony to take place. At this point, this whole ceremony is also known as the infamous “Ko-Sre” phase, which basically means “the formal begging for the hand of the bride”. Usually a minister will open the ceremony with a prayer, and then a spokesman will do the talking on behalf of the groom's family. Then we get to the “Aye-Yo-Dee”, which is the formal presentation of marriage gifts. So it during this time that the items requested on the list will be presented to the bride's family and thoroughly checked. Sometimes even negotiations take place when something is missing (yeah...it can get that tough...). After that, the family will ask the bride (usually 3 times) whether her family should accept these items. Because as the Akan proverb states “Aware Nye Nsafufuo Na Woaka Ahwe”… It's only natural that the bride's family would want the bride to be double sure of her decision because as we all know… “Awaree Kwan Ware” (Marriage is a long journey). Once she says “yes” then a big “Ayeeko”! Both family agree and the union is accepted. At this point, the minister will continue the prayer, placement of the awaited ring(s) on the finger will then take place and then followed by the blessing of the union, and well…after that nothing less than happiness and laughter. At this point, the couple is "traditionally married"… not engaged…but "married" (would be great if we could leave this horrible misconception behind now). So it is perfectly possible to register this union at any registrar or municipality office. Now if the couple would wish to continue with a “white wedding” after that, which is basically then the second wedding…then that is fine as well. Weddings are beautiful ceremonies, and somehow we Ghanaians have found a way to have 2 (smiling). If a couple should have the funds to finance a double wedding then please go ahead and have a blast at it, however if the finances are not so great and a white wedding is not an option then please do not feel inferior, because the traditional wedding ceremony is equally as valuable as the white wedding ceremony…and when done properly…optic orgasm guaranteed…seriously no joke. Then finally a court wedding is also available if you prefer that one, mainly to register the union. Now a lot of religious couples do have this “idea” that having a “white wedding” is mandatory… not a fan of busting bubbles (or maybe I am just a little) but got to do it though and tell you that this is far from true...The traditional marriage can blessed by a minister at whatever location the couple may find themselves in, and does not necessarily have to be inside a church building. Of course, it is most likely that a couple may feel inclined to go for a blessing and thank the Heavenly Father for this huge gift of marriage, which can be done afterwards inside a church…but this does not necessarily need to take the shape or form of a white wedding ceremony.
OH... OH... THE INFAMOUS "DIVORCE" PROCEDURE
Okay…as bitter as this part may be… this article would be slightly incomplete if I would have left this part out… it's only fair right… Okay so if it should ever get to that point, should let you know though that to dissolve a marriage is far from the easiest thing in our traditional customs. In the western world, it's quite doable compared to ours, you just take it to a lawyer and you have the divorce processed. But in our customs…chineke!! Like the Proverb goes “Aware Nye Aware Na, Na Ne Gyae” which basically means getting married is not as difficult as getting out of marriage. In the first phase, both families will try to find a means of reconciliation for the couple and also try to solve any disagreements and/or problems that may be leading to this annulment of marriage. They kind of serve as your very own “State Defense Force”, their influence should therefore under no circumstances be underestimated. So this all could work in your advantage or disadvantage (depends on how you see it). But if push should come to shove and fences cannot be mended (for whatever reason) then we get to the second phase, where the most significant item that should be returned is the “Tiri Nsa” or also known as the “Head Drink". Now depending on who is seeking the divorce, the following should be done. If it's the wife that is seeking a divorce, then she may return the "Tiri Nsa" to the family of the husband. However if it's the husband that is seeking a divorce, then it is not customary for him to request back the "Tiri Nsa" from his wife's family, but to announce the upcoming divorce should suffice. Both families will then get together and then we get to the third phase, also known as the "Wobe Sum No"-phase. At this point, the man or woman, depending on who is seeking a divorce, must compensate the other...sort of like a proper sendoff... Do know that this whole process can get 'pretty' tedious, so uhm... giving you a little heads up.
JUST A "TINY LITTLE" BIT OF BUBBLE BUSTING
Without a doubt, there have been some myths and ancient traditions followed concerning the whole wedding idea, which may not necessarily be true... Now as much as I absolutely love busting bubbles, yes I admit that now (smiling)... I will be gentle while writing the following. Okay so the infamous wedding rings (or wedding bands) that need to be placed on the ring finger of the left hand actually dates all the way back to approximately 6000 years ago in Egypt, where it was believed that there is a single vein connected directly to the heart, named the "Vena Amoris", or also known as the "Vein of Love". Hmmmm...Okay, this is sort of true...but also sort of not true... You see it is scientifically proven that there is no "single" vein connected to the heart that comes exclusively from the left ring finger, but there are many veins coming from all the fingers (left and right) which are connected to the heart through a complex but astonishing cardiovascular system. The human body is a circular system... and it would take more than just 1 artery or vein to keep the heart (which is the most important engine of the body) working. And as a medical student... please do take this truth from me. Now I feel "slightly" guilty and so I do wanna leave you with a warm fuzzy feeling by telling you one more thing that maybe you did not know just yet. The wedding ring is circular by shape, and this is to symbolize a never ending love and bond, with no beginning and no end, sort of like time and its timeless nature... and so this symbolizes an eternal bond of commitment. Now the opening of the ring should not be seen as a mere empty space...or just another hole... but this actually symbolizes a door, a gateway to the unknown...pretty romantic right...
Well my gorgeous ladies and fine gentlemen, we have reached the end of this article. The main point I wanted to get across is that our traditional marriage ceremony is in fact a marriage and not an engagement…and yes, you can get it registered right after this. Can't tell you how much it innervates me when I hear such an ignorant devaluation of our own traditional marriage system (smh). It's true that colonialism had a major impact on our culture, and globalization only intensified that fact, but that does not mean we should blur out our own beautiful truth about our traditional customs at its own expense. So with this, I'm glad the record is set straight. Marriage is serious , not to be taken lightly at all, like the popular Akan proverb goes ”Woreko Awaree A Bisa “ which basically means, make sure you truly know who and what you are getting yourself into, it should be your decision and no one else's (do not cave into peer pressure). And if you should get to that point of tieing the knot, then my biggest and sincerest congrats to you in advance. Ow and of course…to all my already engaged readers out there… Mema Mo Ayeeko! To find true love is really the most beautiful gift ever, and it's rather unfortunate that not everybody is blessed enough to find it in this life time, so if you have found it… Hold on to it tightly! A little disclaimer for just my gentlemen out there though “Oyere Te S3 Kuntu, Wode Kata Wo So A Wo ho Keka Wo, Wuyi Gu Ho Nso A, Awo De Wo”… remember this (smiling)… as annoying as we ladies may get (yes I can admit to that fact too lol)…trust…that we are very much worth the hassle . A big shout out to “Bibi Invitations” for the beautiful African married couples illustrations, they are truly too cute! A huge thank you to Mrs. Marlena Nkene for the beautiful portrait of myself you see above, truly breathtaking! And last but surely not least a big thank you and hug to my father for guiding me through this article (you're the best!). Was a pleasure writing to you guys (it always is), and because you guys are so awesome, I made an image library just for you, so you can download all the images I used in all the articles that I have written so far, just click"here" (yep your girl got your back... you are very welcome lol), let me know what your thoughts are on this one, would love to hear them!
Originating at www.eclectickyeiessa.com