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Life Transforming Messages You Can Not Afford To Miss

By Abdul Rashid Suleman
Opinion Life Transforming Messages You Can Not Afford To Miss
SEP 2, 2015 LISTEN

Beloved, good to have you here once again. In my previous writings on this same platform, I mentioned several eminent individuals who today have made it in life astonishingly, regardless of the enormous challenges and the numerous disadvantages they were confronted with.

But frankly speaking, some of them couldn't have made it and unarguably couldn't have been where they are today despite their strong internal locus of control and their hardworking, without their parents. Some of them could have also terminated their life long before today without the good parenting they were privilege to have. That is why today I want to talk about parenting and the effects it has on children especially on those before adolescent.

I begin with Dr. Ben Carson's mother. Dr. Ben Carson probably, wouldn't have become one of the best neurosurgeon in the world today without the proper parenting he had from his mother during his childhood days and he knew it. Because upon everything he did, i mean the psyching, all the fighting he had with his mates for calling him the most dullard in the class and all the effort he made in trying to compete with his mates in the class, it came to a point that he gave up and was calling himself a dull boy because, the tagging and the humiliation in the class were too much for him to endure.

Unarguably he was always found at the bottom in almost every exams he took part in the class. It took the intervention of the mother to put him back on course. She kept on telling him he is not a dull boy all the time he called himself a dunderhead in the house. There has never been a single day she failed to motivate and inspired him in the house. She told him he had imagination and brain when Ben used to argue with her that he had none. She was always pondering why her child was considered as the most dullard in class. And one day, she found the reason why Ben was not performing in school.

One of Ben's problems was that, he couldn't read without a glass and she found it when she once told him to read something from a distance to her hearing which he couldn't. So she bought for him a glass and that was the beginning of Dr. Ben Carson's success story. And that is why even today he is still in a glass. In fact with the glass, it took him less than a month and everybody started seeing improvement in him. She did not stop there. She ceased them from watching too much of television and caused he and the brother to spend most of their leisure times at the library on her assignments. Do not tell me she was an intellectual at that time because, she wasn't and she could hardly read not alone to think of writing. She was never angry with him and gave him the chance to express himself freely in the house. The house was always lively even at the days when he was not performing in school. She never punished him with food and always gave him what he wanted for school. She was almost always in the school to ask for his conduct and terminal reports.

Through the motivations and the extra assignments she was giving to him, he became the excellent boy she knew he is. After their graduation at the eighth grade, he was awarded as the most brilliant student in the school. It came to a point that, she does not even have to talk again in the house but they were doing what she was expecting them to be doing. On numerous occasions, Ben was found with his books even at the washroom when they were waiting for him to come out for dinner.

The most fascinating part of their story is that, their mother was without a husband and as a single mother, she catered for their needs from the primary level up to the university. Do not tell me she was doing a white color job because, she was not and was by then, cleaning people's houses and was also doing babysit as a job. Since childhood even at the university, she kept on telling him that, he can do everything every child could do but only he could do it better.

Lastly with her story, one thing she told her boys which I like most is that, she told them to reduce the time they spent on television and think of how to develop their talents for it will cause them to appear on television for the whole world to also see them. Since then, they never joked with their time and kept on with the good work up to their graduation at the university.

Undoubtedly, she is a good mother by all standard and I think at this juncture, you will agree completely with me why I said Dr. Ben Carson couldn't have made it without the mother. She did not rear them but rather, she nurtured them. She believed no child is born to be a dunderhead and as such, her boys were also capable of doing splendid things. She could have also conceded that Ben was a dull child as everybody including his own teachers were saying. But she did not and kept on searching for the reason why people were tagging him as dull and which she found.

Today, there is absolutely nothing in this world should she yearns for, that she will not have it at her disposal. Why? Ben is now one of the best neurosurgeon America and the world as a large, can boast of and Curtis, the elder brother is a mechanical engineer.

She is not better than you neither are you also better than her. And for that matter, if she has exercised patience and invested on her children with the little she earned from her menial jobs, I do not see why you can not also do same. Yes you are also capable because we all have the same three pounds of grey matter in our skull. Constantly stimulate your brain in the form of thinking and it will provide you with the nitty-gritty as to how to do it.

Back to today's question. What kind of parent or parents are you? Are you rearing or nurturing your child? You better nurture your child because even animals do not rear their offsprings. If you doubt me, when a hen is incubating, make an attempt to take one of it eggs and observe what it will do to you. And after hatching, if it has to take it to travel a mile with the chicks before it gets food and water for the chicks, it will endure. Again if one tempers with its chicks or cause them to make an agonizing sound, it does not care jumping to peck the eyes of that particular person. Unarguably, that is not rearing but rather nurturing. I do not know how you will call it?

I can say without any fear of contradiction that, some parents are rearing their children. Yes I mean it and I have factual evidence to support what l am saying. Have you not set your eyes or heard of a parent brutalizing her own children? Some do not even rear their children not alone to think of nurturing them. Remember it is not over until it is over. So start nurturing your children today.

Have you forgotten that some individuals are yearning day in and day out for a child but are not having? Have you also forgotten that your children carry your name? If you leave them unguarded, untrained and without any socially accepted principles, their chances of going wayward is higher. Remember should they tarnish their reputation, they tarnish yours as well because they carry your name.

If you think you will not have time for your children or you are not having the resources and the capabilities to nurture a child, why do you then think of giving birth in the first place?

When people tag your child as a dunderhead, never conclude that he or she is so. If you as the parent conclude that your child is a moron, what then do you expect the child to say? Take Dr. Ben Carson's mother case as an example. Try all your possible best to find the solution to why people are calling your child a dullard. Because every problem in this world has a solution. Mind you, it could even be your own actions and inactions, that is causing him to deteriorate day in and day out. It could be the shouting, intimidation, scolding and the humiliations you are subjecting him into.

Several studies has shown it clearly that, even if a child does not get common enough sleep and rest, it could cause him to perform abysmally in class. So allow your children to rest and sleep comfortably.

Make an effort to Know the friends of your children. Always advice them to be in the company of good friends for bad friends corrupt good morals. Meaning, if your child mingles with bad friends, they can use just a single day to wreck all the efforts you made in over a decade trying to nurture your child into a responsible person. Call them in the house and advice them. Ask them where they normally go and what exactly they do over there. Go there secretly to make an investigation yourself. Do not say it is too much because, it is your responsibility and it is also for your own good.

I will like to cite an example here again with Dr. Ben Carson. He nearly stubbed his own friend with the dagger the friend bought for him during his days at the high school as a result of small misunderstanding between them. The friend was influencing him negatively and once again, it took the intervention of the mother to get him out of the company of those bad comrades.

Never should you be harsh on your children. Yes I do agree at times some of their doings merit lashing. No wonder the Holy Bible states it clearly in the book of Proverbs that, spare the rod and spoil the child. That does not mean you should thrash and thrash their entire body until you feel anger no more. It is barbaric to do that. Two or three strong lashes at the palm or at the buttocks is okay. Thrashing has no any effect on children. It rather cause them to develop fear and inferiority complex. Thrashing can also at times, backfire and cause a child to seek for vengeance. So if you keep on thrashing your ward anytime he perpetrate an offense, I assure you that very soon he will start exchanging blows with you in the house.

Never deny your child food as a form punishment. It is highly unscrupulous to do that. According to my mum, the best punishment for a child is to deny him watching his favorite cartoon on the television for a while or to halt been his/her friend for a while. If you do this, he will undoubtedly feel bad and will automatically come to make an enquiry as to why you stopped been his friend. Do not be harsh on him if he comes. Rather take your time and explain to him why you stopped been his friend for sometime.

Never should you look at the demeanor of your child and conclude that by the look of things he will grow to be an irresponsible man and as such, you will not waste your resources on him. I know of some parents who normally say this. There is no logic should you say that because, there is no any institution in this world that trains and awards individuals with certificate whereby one can look at someone's face and conlude that he will have a bad future. Neither a soothsayer, nor a sorcerer can do that. So spend your resources on your children's future.

I swear by God Almighty that, your child is worth more than both your entire liquid capital and fixed assets even if he is a disabled. Investing on your child, to me is the best investment one could ever think of.

Remember very well that, no child is born to be a dull because, God Almighty has endowed everybody on this planet with a superb gift. So as a parent or parents, it is your responsibility to help the children unearth their God given talents. In fact, even those disabled children, God Almighty did not create them with nothing. HE has endowed them with splendid gift. An example is Farida Nana Effua Bedwei and Nick Vujicic who I talked a lot about in my last writing. So should you take your time and invest on them and also help them unearth their talents, unarguably they will bear you perpetual and magnificent benefits beyond your imaginations in the near future. They can also cause you to be very renowned. Had it not been Dr. Ben Carson, would you have heard of the mother and his brother Curtis?

Love your children in whatever predicament they are facing. Motivate, inspire them, make them feel they are the best gift you are having. Protect and shelter them. Be their friend and have time to have discussions with them. Tolerate and respect their opinions and give them the chance to also express themselves freely in the house. Do not say they are children and as such, what do they know. You will be baffled to hear the kind of suggestions they will make should you give them the chance. Even better and more reasonable than yours. Never tell them to keep quite anytime they try to make a suggestion in the house. Even if what they are saying is meaningless, praise them for the bold decision they took in trying to make a suggestion for you. Tell them well done instead of saying negative things to them. It makes them feel bad and normally put them in an awkward position and if you do not take care, they will never talk again in the house.

Lastly, there has never been a single moment where I had the opportunity to inspire someone or talk about parenting, that I failed to conclude without citing myself as an example.

Seriously, I do not even know where to start. Had it not been my mother, I probably wouldn't be writing today to inspire you or remind you to take good care of your children.

Briefly, I was a cowboy in my childhood days at our hometown. My mother was by then moving from one region to another because of her business. I started schooling at a tender age because of her business. But at primary four, I could not recite 1 2 3 up to fifty. All because, when my mum is not around, I do not go to school. I spent much of my time on the family cattle. We used to take the cattle deep into the savannah forest. We loved doing that because, the cattle are our biggest assest and we value cattle a lot.

My mother sensed danger. So she stopped that business of hers and moved me together with my younger siblings to a different region.

The next day, I was in a different school. The headmaster asked me which class was I in my previous school. Primary four I answered. He wrote Kofi is going to school on the board and said if I am able to say it, he will allow me to go to primary four. Neither was I able to mentioned the is nor the going and not alone to think of the school. He shook his head and demoted me to primary one. I was diminished by then and was of the same size as those students. So my mother allowed me to be there with a good heart. It was even more disgusting and horrendous over there as I could not even identify the individual alphabetical letters. What humiliations did I not suffer from my colleagues especially with the letter W.

My mother changed everything of my mine. She made me watched only documentaries and cartoons on the television. My favorite programs by then was talking point, agenda and toyota world of wildlife. As a result of that, I ended up bombarding myself with vocabularies that I did not know their meanings until later in my developmental stage.

Within three years I was ranked first in the class. She did it alone without a fatherly support since 1998 up to today. She gave me everything I needed and more than necessary even today at the university.

Today I write a lot and I attribute it to her because, there has never been a single day when we were young, she failed to tell us stories in the house at night. In fact we enjoyed it and the stories were nice too. It caused us to imagine things a lot by then.

All that I said above about myself is nothing but factual because I am too big to fabricate fallacies and it has been my biggest secret until today.

I cited it to remind you that whatever the predicament of your child, you can change it because you are capable and as a matter of fact, there is no any problem without a solution or solutions.

And once again, remember no child in this world is born to be a dunderhead so invest on your children with your resources.

By Abdul Rashid Suleman.
Fourth year nursing student. Knust.
E-mail= [email protected]

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