You Need To Know: Talking To Your Children About Sex

Sex education is one topic many parents would like to avoid and most of the time they shy away from this responsibility, leaving it to the society and schools to teach their children.

Answering kids' questions on sex is one of the most dreaded questions by parents and most feel tongue-tied and awkward when their children come to them with sex related questions.

Talking to your children about sex should not be avoided as it is one of the most powerful ways you can be a part of their lives.

Parents can help foster healthy feelings about sex if they answer children's' questions in an age-appropriate way.

Sex education means more than teaching them the facts of human reproduction.

From as early as infancy, kids are interested in learning about their own bodies. As they learn to walk and talk, they also begin to learn about their bodies. They notice the differences between boys and girls and are naturally curious. They want to know why they have different body parts from the opposite sex and if you don't give them the answers they are looking for, they would go elsewhere for it.

For many of us ladies, “the sex talk” went something like this:

Mom and/or Dad sat you down at the age of puberty and said things like, “Now you've reached puberty and you've started menstruating. Boys are going to come after you so be careful because if you let a boy touch you, you are going to get pregnant.”

The conversation takes less than 10 minutes because they are not comfortable talking about sex with their children but it should not be so because children need to know.

Parents need to open the door to sex education by teaching their children the proper names for his or her sex organs, perhaps during bath time. If your child points to a body part, simply tell him or her what it is. This is also a good time to talk about which parts of the body are private.

When asked the right age to talk to a child about sex, some of our readers suggested between the ages of 4-10.

Someone suggested you begin to talk to them about sex from when they start asking questions before one uncle, aunty or housemaid answer their questions for you by doing practical with them.

Some other suggested puberty, when they start experiencing changes in their body.

Sex education can begin anytime. Let your child set the pace with his or her questions.

When your child asks questions about his or her body or yours, this is not a time to get embarrassed. Take the questions at face value and offer direct, age-appropriate responses.

You would be kidding yourself if you think not talking to your child about sex would keep them safe. If you don't answer their questions, they will get the answer from peers, media and other means which may not give them the right answer.

As we all know, children these days are exposed to a lot of sexual materials from the television, radio, magazines and most kids have access to the internet which is flooded with a lot of explicit content.

Children are looking up first to their parents for answers, they only go elsewhere when their parents or guardians don't seem approachable.

Someone told a story of how her 10-year-old niece and her 7-year-old friend were watching a movie and they mentioned sexual intercourse. This 10-year-old girl who has no idea what it means then asks what sexual intercourse is and her 7-year-old friend who knows the meaning, gives her the answer.

In reaction, the aunty who was in the sitting room when all this was playing out punished them for this.

In future, how do you think such a child would ever come to you with questions about sex? Such a child would rather ask someone else who would not punish her for wanting to know.

Most of the time, young people who engage in behaviours that are beyond their age, do so due to lack of adult supervision.

Parents should try as much as possible to create comfort and openness around the issue. Children would only come to you with their questions and concerns if they are comfortable with you, knowing you won't judge them or punish them.

Even if you are not comfortable with it, you don't have to send them away. If you don't have the answer at the moment, you could promise to give them an answer later, which gives you the time to regroup and think about what you want to say.

The 'sex talk' is not just one talk. Be ready for a whole lot of them because your children are going to keep coming up with questions after questions.

Empower your kids with information on a consistent, ongoing basis, because one talk is definitely not going to do it.

If you do not want your children getting the wrong answers from the wrong places and you don't want them to fall prey to evil advisers, then teach them what they need to know.

Remember knowledge is power.