Master Bedroom Syndrome (MBS)

Have you heard about it? Do you know what it is? When I checked my current edition of the doctor's dictionary, it wasn't there yet. It will probably be in the next one, if we push hard enough. At least maybe the Nigerian edition (laugh). So what has Master Bedroom Syndrome (MBS) got to do with this column? Plenty. MBS kills sex and destroys relationships.

It leads to boredom in marriage, extra marital affairs, infidelity and finally divorce, just to mention a few. MBS is the situation that occurs when couples, lovers, husband and wives, sleep in different bedrooms. In those days when polygamy was the rule rather than the exception it was normal for many reasons. Each wife had a hut for her and her children and one for the master of the house. You cannot enter this without permission.

Here the man has complete privacy and security. Also all his charms, amulets, soaps and shrines are here. Most importantly, he has a well defined duty roster for when his various wives will come and share his bed with him. She would do all the cooking, washing and also rub his back at night. This was so important for our grandmothers that they would not miss it for anything. Even when ill. Want to know why? Pillow Talk. Because this is the only time she has the undivided attention of her husband for pillow talk.

This is when she can really show her love for him. And also extract gifts, favours and promises for herself and her children. You must have committed a very grievous offense to be banned from your sleeping duties Then comes modernization to destroy all these. How? Having a so called Master Bedroom. It all started as a sign of affluence amongst the rich and the super rich. They built or bought their own mansions with several rooms to spare. And in most cases, their marriages were marriages arranged for every other thing but love. Marriages of convenience.

Each still lived his/her own life within limits. Then the bad habit trickled down to middle income earners who are always copycats. I always call them wannabe rich. Their marriage plans must always include a 3 bedroom flat. One bedroom for the guy. Another for the wife. The third for the children/ visitors. If the guy can only afford a 2 bedroom flat, no problem.

He would take one room, and all the others would share the other room. Then the guy would announce to the whole world. “I sleep in the master bedroom and my wife has her own room”. Even though all the rooms are the same and with a common bathroom and toilet. So far so good. The problem comes when you need to be close. When you need to cuddle. When you need to reaffirm your love to one another. When you need to have sex.

Now just allow your imagination to run riot for a moment. So when Oga needs madam, he must inform her beforehand. At least 24hrs notice. In some cases one week sef. Can you beat that? But it really happens a lot. Where then is the love and spontaneity? Sex and love become routine and boring. What keeps love and sex going at a high level is the tiny unplanned for actions that are spontaneous.

Not when you have to beg to apply. At times you could go to bed thinking about school fees or something else. The next minute you have a hard on. This could be around 12midnight. Or the early morning spontaneous erection we men usually have between 3a.m and 5a.m. So what happens? Do you now go to wake up madam to say Oya now? The dutiful wife will give her consent. But you can bet your life she will not enjoy it.

The other type will tell you NO bluntly. You did not inform her before hand, so she is not prepared. Chikena. Put yourself in her shoes. One minute, she is fast asleep dreaming in wonderland, the next minute, she's woken up and asked to perform. When you make this a habit, she would soon start cooking up excuses to have sex with you 50% of the time, believe you me. And she would start looking for substitutes outside. Just as you would too if sex at home is not satisfactory. That could be the beginning of the end. The second terrible spin off is that your disputes and fights tend to drag on and on.

It is quite easy to prolong such disputes when you both know that at night you are both heading towards your private rooms. No need and no urgency to make up. To forgive and forget. Thirdly, a fertile ground is laid for marital infidelity by both sides. You can safely be in your room and chat for hours on the net without disturbance. You can chat, date and even have phone sex easily. All thanks to Facebook, Twitter and smart phones.

Finally, is your health. When you sleep alone, you run the risk of untimely death. Especially from strokes or heart attack. If your better half is with you on the same bed, he/she can call for help, call the ambulance and save your life. Some people talk about privacy. They can't pull off their clothes completely in front of their husband/wife.

This is true but appalling. Why are you lovers then? More about this when we discuss pillow talk. Pillow Talk is actually the most important reason you must be in the same bedroom on the same bed and mattress. So, change your style. One bedroom for you and your wife. Even if you have a hundred rooms. Cheers.

Dr. Taiwo Fadeyi is a Western trained medical practitioner and one of the very few certified Sexologists in Nigeria. He is also a marriage counsellor and would be bringing his immense knowledge and experience to bear in writing this column. Make it a date with him every Friday for that expert advice on sex and relationship. He can be reached on drtaiwofadeyi@ gmail.com or 08033148899 (sms only)