Winning your husband’s heart

Many women today endure marriage rather than enjoy it. The man that was once head over heels in love with them and could do anything for them, is now like a total stranger. As far as many of these women are concerned, their man is the problem. He is the one that must change. And in search for the solution to their marital problem, they move from one prayer house to another, pray all manner of prayers and take all manner of counsel from both qualified and unqualified quarters but all to no avail.

The truth is, over the years, I have come to discover that nobody has the power to change any other person other than themselves. The only way to change others is to change ourselves. For most of these women, the key to changing their husbands is changing themselves. It has been said that one of the definitions of madness is to keep doing things the same way and yet expect a different result. To get a better result other than you have been getting in your marriage, you must learn to do things differently. And as said earlier, you have power over yourself alone and not on your husband, so, for once, look away from your husband and concentrate on yourself. What are the things you should do differently to get a different response from your man? The solutions to the problems we face in our homes as women are not often beyond us. We only need to look inward rather than outward. For women who are passing through turbulent times in their marriage and sincerely desire a turning around, check the following:

Your sex life
Many women need to know how important sex is to a man and to the survival of their marriage. Many have lost their husbands because they are not up and doing in bed. They are always developing headaches and giving one excuse or the other every time their man turns to them for sex. And many of those husbands have innocently fallen into the hands of hungry women, who are ready to give them more than they desire. Is that the situation with you? If yes, then you will have to change. The way God made a man, sex is one of the most important things to him in marriage. In fact, the first reason why he married you is so that he can have it when he wants it, and no matter what you do for him and on his behalf, if he cannot have it when he desires it, he sees you as not fulfilling your marital obligation to him.

The urge for sexual satisfaction comes before every and anything in a man's life. This is unlike a woman, who has sex as the last thing on her mind. He does not just see sex as pleasure, he sees it as something he cannot do without; something that is paramount to his survival in life. That is why he cannot but turn to another woman when the one that should help him in fulfilling this urge is not forth coming. As a wife you must know that the health of your sex life is directly proportionate to the health of your marriage. The way to a man's heart they say is his stomach, but I have discovered that this is not the absolute truth. To me, the way to a man's heart is under your skirt. That sounds dirty but it's the truth. When a man has a wife who is 'alive sexually' to him, he will do everything and anything for her.  There are homes that are surviving in spite of the fact that the woman of the house is not a good cook. All they have to do is to make sure a good cook is employed and a wise woman in such situation makes sure she employs a man and not a woman as her cook so as to make sure she does not create a crack in her marriage. But the role of sexual fulfilment is such that a woman cannot employ another to fulfill. That is why every woman must make it her priority if she wants to keep her man. And the truth is, no matter what your opinion is concerning your husband, there are a thousand and one women out there who will be so glad to help you in fulfilling this role. So, my advice is, don't be slack.

Make it exciting
It is not enough for a woman to be there for her man sexually, it is most important she contribute her quota to make each of their sexual encounters an exciting one.  Many women believe they are only to be on the receiving end. So, they just lie there like a log of wood, not contributing to the act, waiting for him to be through. This does not make for great sex. For sex to be great for the two partners involved, they both must participate. Your man may not tell you, but I can speak authoritatively that he doesn't enjoy being on the giving end alone. Just as he is touching you, he desires that you touch him as well. He desires that you guide his hand to the part of your body that gives you utmost pleasure.

In making it exciting, another thing your husband desires is that you, sometimes, take the initiative. An average Nigerian woman believes she will be playing cheap if she initiates sexual intercourse with her husband by making the first move. And this belief does not only stop her from initiating it, even when wants sex, she pretends as if she does not want it, in order not to appear cheap. But this is not the truth. My research has revealed to me that rather than men looking down on their wives for initiating sex, they see it as something great. In fact, it is something every man looks forward to because it gives them a sense of fulfillment. They see it as a confirmation from their wives that they are satisfying her sexually and that she approves of them sexually. It boosts their ego and self-esteem. It boosts their self-confidence and gives them an assurance that no man can lure her into it in their absence.

Another way of making your sexual life exciting to your man is by verbally expressing your satisfaction to him. It is not a crime to let your man know that you are enjoying him. After all, that man is the only man you can call yours in the whole world. And the truth is, men love it when their wives tell them how great they are in bed. It makes them feel on top of the world and drives them to do everything possible to get better at the act. This is the reason many men will leave their pretty wives and patronise a sex worker because she makes them feel like real men. And remember, because she is marketing herself so that they will always come back to her, she goes out of her way to give it to him the way he wants it. And the worst thing is, sex workers have ended up taking over the heart of the man completely.