Why is it so hard to find a boyfriend?
5/9/2012 1:05:09 PM -
The Internet dating industry continues to grow at a rate of $100 million every year, according to a study by Jupiter Research. One reason for this growth is a fact that's been true since long before anybody knew what an "Internet" was: It can be hard to find somebody you want to date who wants to date you back. Finding a boyfriend is a challenge, but like most challenges, it's not insurmountable if you're willing to work toward solutions.
Joy Browne, author of "Dating for Dummies," writes that one challenge to finding a boyfriend is that most people spend time with the same people. Unless your soul mate is waiting for you at work or among your friends and their friends, you have no opportunities for meeting a new man. Brown recommends attending classes or events related to your hobbies as a way to meet new men who share your interests.
Psychologist Browne also notes is that not everybody you meet will be compatible with you. Somebody who meets your physical tastes might not share your interests. Another person who shares your interests might have life goals that don't mesh with yours. A solution is to try an Internet dating service. These services only give your information to people who meet some of your most basic requirements for a mate.
Commitment is a common stumbling block as you try to turn those first few dates into a long-term relationship. Relationship counselor Deborah Tannen says that men and women often have different responses to the idea of commitment. Tannen doesn't support the stereotype that all men exhibit commitment and all women are husband-hunting. However, she does note that different people have different goals at different times in their lives. Tannen advises talking about this early in the dating cycle.
That might prompt you to end a promising relationship early, but that means you only wasted a few evenings, instead of months of your life.
Lack of sales skills
Lifestyle coach Tim Ferris writes that dating is just sales with a different kind of commission structure. The degree to which you can present yourself, and what you can offer in a relationship, directly affects how attractive you are to potential boyfriends. This doesn't mean you should change who you are to suit what you think a boy you like wants. Rather, Ferris recommends becoming confident in who you are and learning how to present who you are in a way that makes people want to be with you.
Timidity is another major stumbling block in budding relationships. According to both Tannen and Ferris, many people fail to get what they want because they don't ask for it. If you meet a boy who you want to get to know better, walk up and talk with him. If he doesn't want to talk with you, you've lost a minute of your time. If he did want to talk with you and you never take the chance, you've potentially lost years of a happy relationship.