Rahul Mahajan + “Marriage” + Dimpy Ganguly = 3 Idiots

Thank God! It's over. It's finally over. Before most Indians burst (at the seams), the drama ended. Rahul Mahajan finally garlanded Dimpy Ganguly (21) and soon thereafter married her. (Thank God for small mercies. Remember Rakhi Sawant broke up even before marrying Elesh Parujanwala.)

The other two finalists – Harpreet Chabra (20) and Nikunj Malik (25) were left high and dry (nothing to do with alcohol, sillies!) They should thank their lucky starts that they escaped easily. The SHOW is over. The reality is past and the unreality of the real life begins in right earnest. And our 'imagination' takes a beat that raises many pertinent questions.

There were a host of invitees along with groom's mother Rekha. Sister Poonam was conspicuous by her absence. (Wonder what's the catch here?). Dad Pramod was giving his blessings from the photo placed there.

So the divorcee got remarried at a five-star hotel and plans to register his marriage in Bandra on Tuesday March 9. And then wishes to fly off for their honeymoon in Maldives and Ireland. For that he has applied to the Court to release his passport (remember there is a drug case pending against him.)

But there is a slight hitch. To match his court case, the bride Dimpy was issued a show cause notice from Gladrags agency of Maureen Wadia. It appears Dimpy was on 2-year contract for not appearing on any other show. (This is truly show biz like nothing before.)

And if Rahul had Payal Rohatgi and Monica Bedi, Dimpy too had Neel (Neil) Shah. So, hisaab barabar.

And the interviews have begun in right earnest. Dimpy wants her husband to pursue politics a la his father Pramod. (!!!) To this Rahul replies, “I'll first manage my home and once that is settled, I'll manage the country.” (Grand plans indeed.) "It's a great feeling. I am both excited and nervous. I really believe marriages are made in heaven and this time I'll give whatever I have to make my wife happy. It is going to be happily ever after".

Dimpy claims she knows to handle media better. I suppose, she can use them when later she gets battered. (No pun intended).

Rahul has future plans too, “Politics is in my blood but entertainment is my livelihood. You don't get paid that much as an MP. Showbiz is a huge business and I am looking forward to exploring it. Be it TV or films. Moreover it has a mass appeal and gives me an opportunity to get connected with people." (This is the way the cookie crumbles! God save India and Indians!)

To take the matters further, what would the couple discuss on their honeymoon? Something like, “Let's have a joint (not the hip joint, sillies!) together. Let's drink away to glory (!!!). Smoke and be marry (sorry merry). Let's flirt – you with him, I with her or you with her and I with him or…never mind. I am confused”

And soon he will have drug withdrawal symptoms and Dimpy will rightly turn into a nurse (or psycho). Till now she has been dancing. Then she will run from pillar to post. Verbal and physical abuse will soon follow (It will seem like old times for Rahul.) Finally when better sense will prevail over her, she will follow Shweta Singh (Rahul's first wife). But that's for later.

Reminds me, it seems Rahul invited Shweta on the show as he wanted to remarry her. (!!!) She politely refused. I suggest he could have married all the three girls (a la male Draupadi). Two is company but three is awesome (and not crowd, sillies!). The Krishna with his gopis. All in the family, I suppose.

And if there are kids on the way, their role model father will advice them, “God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?” or “Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.” or “I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.” or “Drugs have taught an entire generation of Indian junkies the metric system.” or “Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison.” or “I don't do drugs. I am drugs.” or “Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but my scripture says love your enemy.” or “I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.” or “It's not my fault that I fell for you, you tripped me!”

Well, that is all for saner times. This brings us to the heart of the matter. If today a junkie is being promoted as if he is the role model for the country, then tomorrow we will have a Veerappan (bandit) or a Chhota Rajan (gangster) or Dawood (smuggler) or Charles Sobhraj (killer) or Ajmal Kasab (terrorist) or Chandramukhi (sex worker) or Adnan Khasshogi (arms dealer) using media to promote themselves and their trades claiming amnesia from their ill-deeds.

And when the channel claims high TRPs for this program, let me make something clear. Most of us watched in horror. Pre-teens, teenagers and twenty/thirty something find it a way to showdom. Their thinking is shaped by what they see on the Idiot Box. And if this is the way marriages are, they would want a similar thing tomorrow. (Remember marriages in mid-air, ship, train, etc).

Forty/fifty+ watched it with apprehension, sixty/seventy+ with unease and ninety+ with complete horror. (As far as 100+ goes, they are turning over in their graves, as far as I know.)

My mom said, “If he is the groom, I will want my daughter to remain unmarried.” Unfortunately Dimpy's father was absolutely thrilled by the match. (May his thrill remain intact. He wouldn't have found such a rich match with all the popularity. Never mind if tainted groom.)

Isn't it the responsibility of the Information & Broadcasting Ministry to do a reality check on such shows and put a stop to them? What is the credibility of Rahul Mahajan? What has he one for the country or its citizens? (For that matter, what has his father done? May his soul rest in peace as his 2000 crore is being put to good use by salvaging Rahul's image.)

By any remote chance too, we don't wish Rahul to be in politics. The waters there are already murkier. His entry will totally pollute the scenario. An entire army of junkies will follow suit. The nation will have a junky party (Not a bad idea. That is the state of matters to come.) And we the gullible fools will be gaping with mouth wide open.

Tomorrow on TV channels for discussions, instead of luminaries like Manmohan Singh or Amitabh Bachchan or Sunil Gavaskar, we will have Rahul Mahajan, Shiney Ahuja or Ben Johnson. Is broadcast/electronic media to be abused both by its owners and such disgraced characters just for TRPs, popularity and money? Where are the ethics, social and moral values?

No doubt we are living in modern times. But does that make us animals and non-thinking zombies? Don't we eat what we like, don't we wear what we like, and don't we do whatever we like. Then why do we watch what some debased channel is popularising as modern culture and negatively influencing impressionable minds, whose dreams will crash when the show is over.

Why should we tolerate such channels and shows when we pay for quality stuff? Isn't it time to think and raise our voice? One rotten apple spoils an entire basket. So before that can happen, let's stop this menace in its budding stage. Let's say NO to Rahul Mahajan type of non-entities (just like drugs). This is just too much to tolerate.

My head is spinning (and so is an entire nation's). We have to draw a line somewhere. The I&B Ministry, the TV channels and the other media promoting the show have all made their money. The viewer has been taken for a ride. Can all viewers afford such crass swayamvars or even dream of it? And there lies our answer.

A junkie will proceed on his honeymoon leaving many thinking if he can do it why can't I? But then he is Rahul Mahajan which you and I are not. He lives in his dream world, we on real ground. The show is over. The reality is before our eyes. After a month the 3 idiots will show their true colours. The proof of the pudding lies in its eating. The love birds will either coo or boo. Let's watch and wait.

Let's wish them all the best. (They sure do need the entire world's good wishes.) After all, it will be too much to bear each other when the cameras are off, the viewers disappear and the smiles slip. Nice show, eh!

This is the coming of age of Indian idiot box. Let's say cheers to the Big, Fat, Indian Wedding. (Eeeks!)